#90 My Body My Story 45 Over 45 – Pamela | From 185 to 60 kilos

In this episode, you will learn how Pam went through 2 bariatric surgeries and 12.5-hour plastic surgery to get from 185 kilos to 60 kilos! We also talk about her childhood trauma that caused all that weight gain, and discuss the main causes of body image issues, how they come up, and how to overcome them. Finally, we discuss what aging means to Pam and to her body.

 

10 Facts About Pamela

(at the time of the project)

 

1. 53 years old.
2. Pamela was born in Rhodes, Greece.
3. She came to Australia in December 1974. Her parents migrated here in 1970. And she followed in 1974 in December.
4. Pamela is a mother of three children, two boys and a girl. She is also a grandmother of five with the eldest of 10 y.o. and the youngest being 40 days.
5. Pamela has been in the same job for 23 years.
6. Pamela’s hobbies are flipping furniture and travelling.
7. She absolutely loves Valencia in Spain and the regional part of Italy
8. Spanish tapas is Pam’s absolute favourite food.
9. Pamela is also a certified trauma coach. She has not stepped out into the coaching world as such. She is just building up the business.
10. Pamela struggled with large weight since she was young. She was 85 kilos up until 22 years old. After pregnancy she got to 185 kilos. And then in 1998, she decided to have what was then called the biliopancreatic diversion (bariatric surgery - editor). Pam has gone down to 100 kg. But in 2009 started putting back on weight. So she went and had the Lap band surgery. When she lost enough weight, she had plastic surgery to remove 12 kg of loose skin. She also did inner thighs, boobs, arms and Tummy Tuck. It was 12,5 hours of operation. Now Pamela fluctuates between 60 and 62 kilos and is very happy with that.
11. Pamela’s favorite personal quote is: “Confidence is the key that unlocks the door to your true self. And as a grounded woman, you stand tall, embracing the strength within and radiating the beauty that comes from knowing who you are”.

 

You can find Pamela here:

IG - createyournewidentity

FB - Pamela Kay

Tik Tok - Toulzz69

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT

(auto-generated):

 

Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.

 

I met the best age that I could be I don't have no wants to get back to be any younger. To be any particular age any nothing. I'm happy at 53 I love my life for what it is today. I love my blessings. I love my children, my grandchildren. And for what I've gone through my life I have been blessed beyond beyond my imagination or anything I could work.

 

This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com

 

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the my body My Story project today with us in the studio Pamela. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair, Citra is creating her magic, I'll be asking her a few questions. Hi, Pam, welcome to the studio. Thank you. Let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.

 

53. Greek, mother of three children, two boys and a girl. Grandmother of five or eldest is 10. The youngest is 40 days. Oh. I've been in the same job for 23 years. It was absolutely love. I love to be of service. Yeah, my, my, I would say My hobbies are flipping furniture. And I'm an avid traveller. I'm going to Greece in 14 days. So look, I'm really looking forward to that. And yeah, after what's been happening the last three years. It's just time to get away. And you know, just enjoy and relax.

 

Is it your first time you getting away?

 

None in your three last three years? Yes, in the last three years, it's gonna be a great treat to see well.

 

What's your favourite place in Greece?

 

In Greece? So I'm from Rhodes. I was born in Rhodes. I have to say that's my favourite, but it's not really my favourite place in Greece would be outside Athens would be great. It's just absolutely stunning.

 

So when did you move to Australia?

 

I came to Australia on in December 1974. My parents migrated here in 1970. And I followed in 1974 in December.

 

So you've been a small child?

 

Yeah, I was. Yes. Yep.

 

So you always lived in Sydney?

 

I have Yes. Yeah.

 

So do you feel Australia home now?

 

I do call Australia home. I think we are very privileged here to live in Australia. But there is a connection. When you do go back when I do go back to Greece that there's just that bond. You feel that bond. And although it's beautiful to go and see and experience and you know, go on adventures. It's also great to come home. Yeah.

 

And apart from the grace, what other places you love.

 

I absolutely love Valencia in Spain. I love Italy, but I love the regional part of Italy. I've I love I've been to Russia, Estonia, ours, Switzerland, all of those sorts of areas, and Morocco. So I've done a fair bit of travelling, which I've been very blessed to be able to do so. Yeah. But I would say it's the more community based like you can go to a country and what makes it as the people Yeah, be great. The people are lovely. Then you have to get back but if the people are cold, I wouldn't return.

 

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's the people make difference. 100% So should I ask What's your favourite cuisine? Is it Greek right?

 

It's not actually it's actually tapas love absolutely love Spanish tapas. Bonus. Because I cook Greek and it's every day, you know, food, food, it's just the tapas is my absolute favourite food.

 

That's interesting and great. Also, I know two other things which, which I want to talk about that you are now a certified trauma coach.

 

Yep. So I'm a certified trauma coach. I haven't. I haven't stepped out in the coaching world as such, like, I'm just building up the business as we speak. I've got my qualifications, or whatever have you. And I'm just some building social media and getting the awareness out there. Yeah,

 

do you know already? What's the social media account with it is

 

it's yeah, my handle is create your new identity. creative new identity. So to me, it's about creating a new identity, not the past identity that you suffered through trauma. But your new identity of who you want to be?

 

Is it on Instagram?

 

Yeah, of course. Yes. I'm on Instagram. I'm on. Tick tock on Facebook. So I'm active. I'm very active. Yeah. You're on tick tock.

 

That's great.

 

Yeah, tick tock. So a new platform for me. It's a little bit overwhelming at the moment. Yeah, it's just coming into my, you know, you got to step into a slightly I think Tiktok it's very out there. Yeah, yeah.

 

So what made you do this degree to get this certificate?

 

 

Well, I believe I have a story to share. My story starts from birth. So when I was born, my parents left me with my grandma 40 days and came to Australia. So they came to share it with their sons. So I was left in Greece. alone, alone, no, we're not alone. I was with my grandma. But still, she raised me, which for up to about maybe 45 years, I've carried that as an abandonment, carried abandonment issues around there. But once I started to do the healing work, I realised that she left me with the person she loved the most. And I was so blessed to be able to get the five and a half years of attention, love support, you know, affection, just the continuous one on one time, instead of having to be here in Australia with my mom juggling work. And, you know, the two boys and working two, three jobs. So really, it was a blessing for me. But it was hard to understand what I was growing up because, you know, you just think oh my god, I was so crave my mom's love, but I never got it as a child. So yeah, it's always been a craving, you know, and so on to get that awareness. And that understanding is when the healing starts, I think.

 

Yeah, so you are the youngest, out of four kids, all the kids,

 

I am the youngest, so they had already purchased their tickets. So it was 1969 Obviously, and they had purchased their or their tickets to migrate to Australia. And they will come into work. And then they found out that they were pregnant with me. My dad didn't want to press proceed with the, you know, the pregnancy. But you know, my mum was adamant that she was not going to abort any child. And they waited to the she gave birth to me and then yeah, they left for Australia.

 

An interesting story. So what trauma you want to work with or any trauma or just in particular,

 

someone's childhood trauma. So when I say childhood trauma, I mean, the lack of lack of connection with my parents, you know, and being used as the which is probably not the right term, but I would say the punching bag, so because of there was no connection and there was no you know, the foundational piece where, you know, you build your relationship on on familiarity and solidarity and you know, the connection with your child and it's teas and it's love and it's affection, it's hugs. There was none of that. So I felt like a stranger when I came to Australia. And then, you know, and who you get, who were they're going to pick on my mum, unfortunately was very nice. cystic, and she, I think she's got a lot of unsolved trauma herself. So and I would say it's a lot of it's ancestral as well, my father was very abusive towards her. So because there was no connection between her and I, that's where she unless she unleashed on me. So, in saying that, I became the more or less the, the, the, the I the person she, she led out, rented her anger out on both frustration, her disappointments her everything where, you know, he my dad used to abuse her and she would abused me. So it was like a continuous flow of things. The other thing was that I was treated very differently to the boys. So when my mom remarried as well, she wanted to be this super stepmom. So, you know, she wanted to praise this kid and look, share to everyone in the community or what a great stepmother I am, that she would dress these gills and, you know, show them off to the world. And whereas I would be left at home. I started working sewing at a very young age for a family business that we had, and you know, they would go out and just leave me sewing in the, you know, in the garage. So there was a lot of things behind this. It's just not something that you can describe in one hour or whatever have you. It's a very it's a series of event for complex. Yeah, yeah.

 

Looks like a Cinderella story.

 

Yeah, it is. It's a very Cinderella story, and the fact that I was an obese child. And like, I, every Monday was way day for me, I was just a fat kid. And I can honestly say that, although what we call today, fat is not what I was, I was 85 kilos up until I was 22 years old. 85 kilos today is pretty standard. But back in those days back in the 80s, it was like a fat girl, you know. So I was shamed, like, you know, you're fat, you stink, you do this, you know, you're not going to find a husband, you're going to be left on the shelf. You know, now was every Monday was way down. And if I didn't lose weight, it was well, it was beating time. So I would get physically abused. For not losing weight or being a shame or disgrace, you know, for continuing to be fair. But what I realised through my healing process was the only way I got my mom's attention was to not lose weight. So by me not losing weight. It was the 10 minutes she gave me attention. So even in an abusive way, even in abusive ways. I craved her attention so bad. That didn't matter how I got it. I still got it, if that makes any sense. She still gave me that 10 minutes of attention. Whether it was well, it wasn't a very nice some way but yeah. Yeah. So I went on up until I got 20. I lived with my husband Why didn't really live they told me I couldn't marry him. So then I ran off and got married. So technically I did elope. And his father said that I was too fat for his son. So just get he just kept getting worse and worse. So this is at 85 kilos. Yeah. So I wasn't even really a baby. So anyway, we came home and told him that we went and got married and his parents literally kicked us out. My mother said, Well, she couldn't keep me out because it'll be a disgrace to the community and, you know, a disgrace to the Greek, you know, what would, what would the people say? So, we moved in and one lived upstairs, one lived downstairs, and in three months were married in a great church because I had to be married in the eyes of God before I could be sleeping with a man. Then I got pregnant straightaway and I'd ballooned up to 185 kilos. By the time I had my third third child. I was 135 kilos. 185 kilos. I beg your pardon. And so then, but I was a fit person, if I could say that, like, I was very active, I had three children, you know, I was Go, go go, I worked. Yeah. And then in 1998, I decided to have what was then called the biliopancreatic diversion, which was a surgery that I had just pulled from Italy. And there was no background data on it, because it was a brand new surgery, but people did lose weight remarkably fast. So the way they do that is they, they cut your stomach in half. And then they cut your interest on your large intestine from seven metres to two metres, and then discard the five and they connected to your column. So everything basically you ate just came through. And that was, that's a family's dream, because you can eat whatever you want it goes in and out for what what happened is you become very malnutrition. And with malnutrition, gums, hair loss, and anaemia and so forth and so on. And I did reach 100 kilos on that, so I had lost quite a bit of weight. And then it just stabilised which I was quite happy with, you know, 100 kilos for me was quite good. And then by 2000, and maybe nine, I started to started to put weight back on and I was getting fat. I mean, fatter. And I just said now there's no way I can do this, I can't put the weight back on. I don't want to, you know, I don't want to go back to being obese. So I went in had the lap band. And with the lap band that sort of saved my life because the food wouldn't go through the band so fast, I couldn't eat so much. And then the nutrients got absorbed. And I reached maybe 85 kilos before I had my first stretch of plastic surgery to remove skin. They remove 12 kilos of skin off me. And they put everything where it's supposed to be. So my boobs are where they're supposed to be. My I did inner thighs. I did boobs. Tummy Tuck I did back are dude in the arms. So it's all in one all in one. Get that I do that anymore, either. That was a 12 and a half hour operation. Yep. So it was a it was full blown, it was full on. And then my breasts went after a loss. So after that, I lost more weight. And my breasts went flat as like, like they look like to be gigs. And I went in and they reconstructed it with tissue or whatever have you and they gave me boobs to support my backsies because obviously I've got a very wide back. I'm now I fluctuate between 60 and 62 kilos. Quite happy with that for

 

or you keep you keep it for how many years?

 

Um, so that was in 1998 is so it's been 1998 to today. So whatever that is. 25 years. Yeah, so I have maintained I do have little I did have. I don't anymore, but I did have little bouts of up and down weight gain. But it's not an easy way out. It's it's just a tool. And every day you have to monitor what a meeting how a meeting? How's it gonna affect me?

 

Do you still have band or you know, now I've still got the band because now they say it's dangerous. Like, people remove it.

 

yeah, well Touchwood I haven't had any issues with that.

 

So you're the one example that it went well for you?

 

Yes, it did. And I've been in a comfortable sweet spot for many years. So I haven't adjusted my band. Once it got to that sweet spot. I've been to Europe since 2010 with the same sort of restriction and you know, when you go to Europe, you just want to devour everything but you know why It's mind over matter. And we've got to eat to live not live to eat. That's the mentality that's got to change around food. And it is it's a it's a psychological battle to some food thing. You know, you're for the body this for me around food and around what you look like is, is just unbelievable. Like, for a long time, I was going to the large sizes in the, in the shops to find clothes. When I knew really I was a size, you know, let's say for let's stop before they sell, let's say size 14, I was still getting into the target larger women size. I now sit comfortably in a size 10 to 12. Which is a dream like never in my wildest dreams in all my life. Would I ever think that I would be wearing a size 10? Comfortably? Yeah, that's me in a nutshell.

 

Wow, what a story. So but you still have that the first operation maybe that's the combination of to help helps you to

 

100% 100% I don't doubt that.

 

What I didn't understand that. The first one is, is it like bypass or it's something different

 

so that they stopped doing this operational, it's very invasive, they used to cut you down your chest down your arm down the centre of your chest, and reorganise everything inside and then close your back up. So they don't do that anymore. Obviously, bypass nose keyhole, I believe. So that invasive surgery is it's ceased, it doesn't exist anymore. I did deal with a boy that I met. He was 18 years old. And we became really good pals. And we're still very good friends today. And he's done really well. He too, has maintained his weight. He's had his up and down days. But yeah, it's um, I would say, even if I took the band down, I still got the backup of the other one. But the other one is, it really does not let you absorb any nutrients. Yeah, my diet is predominantly green work. Like, I do eat everything. I don't say no to anything. I don't say no to chips. Notice how I eat everything, everything. And I would say yeah, a small amount. Plus, you can't stomach large amounts. And the other thing too about the surgeries when you have the surgery, if you have too much sugar, your body goes into a dump, which is called dumping. dumping syndrome. And that really is it's horrible. Absolutely horrible.

 

You need to be living in the toilet.

 

Yeah, yeah. And even with the first surgery, that's where you were. And the other thing was the first surgeries, the one that they don't do anymore is because you weren't processing the food. Everything was going in and out and the stench in the bathroom. You just couldn't use a public bathroom. It was horrible. So you had to use matches, or zinc or some sort of thing to disguise the smell. It was just, it was horrible. But you know what, you had to weigh up your options. Do I lose the weight? And you know, or do I worry about the smell? You know?

 

yeah, it just I'm just thinking that cases like that when we have from time to time with upset stomach, upset stomach, whatever, and the smell and the thinking, Oh my God, if we smell that bad inside. Yeah, imagine like, like, we're the factory of bed smells now.

 

Yeah, with a surgery. The first one he was unprocessed. So it was just getting in and out. But now it's different. Yeah, very different. So I didn't understand that they stitch all together, back together. But when I had the band, they had to reopen me up. Because I had already been opened and my organs had gelled together because once you open it open your body. The cavity once it gets air in it, things just gel together. So they had to open me up to separate the thing the stomach from the organs to they can put the band around the stomach. Oh, so but the beauty of that is when they did open me up or that scarring or that because there was a zigzag scar like a Zorro thing or that scarring when I lost the way it dropped that skin so when they pulled it down to do the plastic surgery, and I pulled it down to my tummy. It stretched out all the new skin so all that got discarded when they cut it all off. Yeah. Yeah.

 

Gosh, that's a really big journey, you know, to go through and yeah, I can imagine how much Know how desperate you should fail to go through this kind of operation? It was. Yeah. So coming back out, I'll ask you about the body mentioned all these things a bit later. But I just want to ask one more question about. So now you're doing this, or is a part time or job or like, not full time, but still getting into this coaching, the trauma coaching? And I will ask you a provocative question. As I'm…  my first master's in psychology as well, and I did study clinical psychology, but at some point, I decided that no, I'm not going to be a psychotherapist. Because I believe that you cannot heal the trauma. My belief is based on my study and experience, and my sister is a psychotherapist. And I can see you know, the results of her work, that you can probably learn how to deal with your trauma to make your life easier, but you cannot heal it completely. And some of my colleagues, psychologists disagree with that. So I just like I'd like to know your opinion, being at traumatise yourself and working on that and being a trauma coach, like what do you think about that?

 

In regards to that, I think that if we sit here and wonder, why, why, why, why why we're never going to get a response. Okay, these events of past, they've happened. There's no way of going back and altering the past. But I do believe that if you take away the lessons, so I'm a timeline therapist as well. So I believe that if you go back into your past and think What lessons did it give me? What did it teach me? What can I take away? That I can bring into my life that say, Okay, this happened to me? How do I deal with it? How can I overcome it? And how can I move on from this trauma? Without letting that affects me? I don't believe obviously, we can't change the past, it's happened. But we can take away what did I gain from it? I'll give you an example. So when my mum used to be into me, I built up the resilience and I wouldn't cry, I just used to think I am going to give you the satisfaction of crying. And when she was beating me she would say I doesn't hurt and beat me harder. But in my mind, I had built up this resilience or our foot the strength I just I don't know where it came from. I'm big believer in God as well. So to me it was God given me the courage and the strength and the power to overcome the feeling of the pain. Right? So what did it teach me It taught me resilience, it taught me that no matter what happens, I can get I can endure this and I can move forward. I the thing with trauma is that it's always there. But are you gonna let it poison you for the rest of your life? Are you going to carry it into your life where it's like drinking poison and expecting you know, the same as drinking wasn't expecting someone else to die? You know, these people have moved on that and care, it's you that's carrying the wound, heal the wound and allow yourself to move on you know, accept it for what it is and just take away the lessons and the learnings and now proceed to make a better life for yourself.

 

So good answer. So let's move to the second part of the interview about ageing and body image. And my first question here is what does ageing means to you?

 

I met the best age that I could be I don't have no wants to get back to be any younger. To be any, any particular age any? Nothing. I'm happy at 53 I love my life for what it is today. I love my blessings. I love my children, my grandchildren. And for what I've gone through my life I have been blessed beyond beyond my imagination or anything I could want, even more like it's just three amazing children, the grandchildren, you know? Yeah, I've been blessed. I'm so grateful for my life. So grateful for the bad things are good things, everything. Just grateful for everything.

 

So if you're like that Benjamin Barton like in reverse… you felt more older when you were young.

 

Yes, that's very true. That's very true. Very true. I just love her man. Love where I'm at.

 

I know you, you said that already. But still, I will ask this question. But if you still could go back to any age, to what age you would go, and what advice would you give yourself at that age?

 

I would say I would get back to. So 1985 I tried to commit suicide. And because just the beatings, were just something I couldn't handle, and the live the life that I had, right? If I could go back to that young girl and just say, it will be alright, you will get through this and you'll be in your best place when you are older. You know, that would be an age where I would get back to I mean, I regret trying to commit suicide because it goes against my religious beliefs. But it was a way of escape. It was a way I was a young kid, and I couldn't handle it. And I didn't know. And now when I hear about children that try or do it, I just think oh my god, you know, I was there. I wish I could offer them the advice. Yeah.

 

Okay, so now we spoke a lot about body today. And if your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you tell you now at this time?

 

Stop abusing luck. Good luck. I've used my body a lot. I've vomited a lot. Because the waiting day was coming every Monday so if I did eat something, I would go and vomit. I would purge I was blaming somebody and then I'd go vomit I would stick my fingers down my throat and just vomit. Just so I don't gain weight. So I don't get bashed on the Monday that sort of thing. I also did a lot of German which was actually my mum put me on German when I was about 12 which is a speech back in the day it was speed that was prescribed by doctors I always chose German is that it was a drug there had speed in it So speed is an amphetamine and what it does what it used to do it doesn't do it anymore that in prescribe this toxic level anymore. What it what it used to do used to make you not want to eat and your jaw used to just grind slug your teeth used to grind. But when you stopped the German if you lost 10 kilos used to find 20 You know? Yeah, I wouldn't. Although I did the young ages, I didn't have any control because my mom put me on them. At the older age. I continued with the Jura mine and whatever have you. Like I've done Herbalife Gloria Marshall, so Herbalife Gloria Marshall, you know, all of that sort of stuff, every single weight loss programme, I've done it, I've done it, I'd take a test anything. If someone tells me something works, I'm there. Let's do it, you know? Yeah, that sort of stuff. I'd be more conscious of what I know now, if I knew today about nutrition, and the choices you can make, but I don't even think it's about food. I think we hold on to emotions, so much that it also holds on to weight. The minute you shift the thought the emotions from your body of you know, abandonment, whatever. Anything that you feel like you know, any type of emotion that you're that is not good for you. Is when the weight starts to drop, the minute you stop caring the minute you stop, everything just starts to fall off. The minute you stop worrying about your weight is when it all does. This is my personal experience. The minute I stopped caring is the minute everything started to fall off. Like it just was Just like an instant sort of thing. I didn't wait anything I didn't, you know, I just say what I wanted. And of course, with some reasonable, you know, amounts, and not rubbish luck, cave season whatever have you. Yeah, once you drop the emotional part, that's where it all starts to fall off.

 

But then coming back to the surgery tool, like, do you still think people should do that if they haven't solved this emotional part first? Or does this surgery helps them to start because they start losing weight to start looking better? And this is a chance for them to. So what do you think about that? How it comes together the emotional part in the surgery,

 

I don't believe that everyone's ready. I think a lot of people jump into the surgery thinking, Oh, my God, I'm going to be saved. And that's how I initially jumped in. Because you're so obese, you just want some sort of relief from being overweight. I don't, there's a lot of people that are ready for the emotional part of it. And there's a lot of people that aren't like I've seen people, I've encouraged a lot of people to go and have the surgery. And a lot of them have regained the weight because they're just not ready. They're just not ready to, you know, it is a tool. So for the first 12 months, you're guaranteed to lose weight, there's no way out of the year, you will lose weight because your body goes into such shock, you will lose the way. But if you haven't dealt in those 12 months, if you don't start dealing with your emotional stuff, this way, this this tool let you down or you let the tool down. It's so easy just to put the weight back on and then people blend the surgery didn't work. No, you're not making a work, it's not going to save you won't because it was fine at a young age, they start reading it. Like I'm 20 plus years post op and I still can't make a bread roll with bacon and eggs. And I'm looking at PayPal and I'm thinking oh my god, and this is not just gastropubs is the slave PayPal, this is LapBand. PayPal, this is combined, right? And I'm thinking how he's put that down like there's no way like, but then overridden the tool, if that makes any sense. Because remember, our mind is a powerful tool itself. Your mind can do anything. So if you're going to tell your mind you're going to eat or bacon or grow, you're going to eat a bag in an egg roll, but it's the back of your subconscious mind. You've got, I can't eat this because it's not right for me and whatever, I'll have you only gonna eat half.

 

So but then if following this logic, if people don't do surgery and just work with their mind, they can lose all that 120 kilos or there's also a physical part of that, that when you over when you cross a certain line, you can't lose it that easily even if you work with your mind. So what?

 

Look, it's not like it hasn't been done. It has. I mean, I couldn't do it. I know I tried. People have done it, but it wasn't me. I think once you get to the obese stage, you need some sort of support. And there's just that that tipping point where you think, oh my god, I'm so overwhelmed. And I try and I try and I try and then in the back of your mind, you've got a better I've tried this and I've tried that and I've tried this, I've tried that, and I can't lose the weight. But and that's where the overwhelm comes from because you start to lose faith in yourself. Look, I'm not I'm not saying that if I could do it too without having the surgery, I would have done it but I couldn't. I too was overwhelmed. But I was overwhelmed physically. I was overwhelmed emotionally. I was overwhelmed. I had three children. You know, I had my mother my father in law. I was just it was just a lot. And I would say for me it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Yeah, there's been a lot of struggles along the way a lot of hurdles to jump but you know what you make do and you learn but these are teeth. These are teaching you stuff like that making better choices is it's a better choice like you know, you've got to make and you makes you think about things as well like if I do this which path will it take me This powerful that path, you know, what will be the consequences if I have this? You know, there's just so many so much to learn along the way, and so much to implement in your life and not only for yourself, for your whole family.

 

So you're the best person probably to ask us this question. Then my next question is, what do you think are the main causes of body image issues or us abusing our bodies? So what are the reasons why we do that?

 

Our insomnia old for the social media thing said to me social media is not something that I would blame. He was around a long before. It was around a long time before social media. We've always had the models and whatever have you. And if I was to say they'll probably be skinnier in my time than they are what they are. Today at today, Look, girls look a little bit more healthier. As models. To me, I would say it's women, women around us men, men are very fixated on and I'm not saying all men, so let's not take all men, but there's a lot of men that are fixated on how a woman looks what she should look like, you know what particular size her bra should be? Her butt should be. There's all that sort of definition of how women should be. And then, you know, and women, they're the worse Some women are just the judgement from other women you know, Why are women plumping up their lips? Why are we pumping up our you know, our boobs, our lips, our eyebrows, our our, you know our eyelashes? Why do we have to do though you're beautiful as you are. But there's this sort of stigma on that we got to look that extra that next level that Nick You know that next level we've got to be this level of beauty this level of weight this level of you know, size it's it's just it's everywhere, you can't escape it, but once you're comfortable in yourself that's when you find freedom like you say I've got look I've got no bum and Greg goes have a big bumps I've got no bum I would love you know little beauty there but in saying that I wasn't breast burst with a big booty I've got the back the boobs you know so on the other side to me, that's me and I've come to accept that like acceptance of self is the best gift you can give yourself

 

when someone has this body image issues, they obviously how it affects relationships, but in what way do you think? And I'm talking about all sorts of relationships with coworkers, partners, whatever. So how do you think it affects this negative body image of yourself?

 

Why are we allowing people to govern how we feel? Why are we giving our power away as women? Why do we close the lights when we make love to our partners? Why to me it's about you gotta find that love for you inside and you will find that that the real man he's not very focused on what you were focused on your your beliefs about what's wrong with you is not what a man's focus on a real men will love you for who you are, what you are. And all of you, your colleagues shouldn't even have any any any power over what you should look like. It's none of their business. You know, your child will love you no matter what unconditionally. There really is no reason to give away your power and let someone govern your emotions as to how you feel about your body.

 

So it's you who should decide 100% how you feel. If you feel healthy in the weight you are then you stay on the shape you are or if you feel like if you feel that you're unhealthy and you want to do something about that, then it's your decision.

 

Absolutely. Absolutely, women are beautiful. As you know, thin, women are beautiful as size. Let's go size from size. If they're size four, if they're size 16, if they're size 10, if their size twelves, whatever they are, they're beautiful. We're all beautiful. Every which way, because everyone has different qualities, different highlights, different personalities. Yeah.

 

So we spoke about how you dealt with body insecurities when you were young. But how do you deal with that now, if they from time to time comes back, it comes back or you feel like Oh, um, I need to lose a couple of kilos or whatever. So once you go to when you have this creeping, well known feeling like something wrong with me how you deal with that.

 

I can honestly say, as long as I pick up my jeans, and they fit around, it's all good. It's all good. The only thing that I would say, that's come from the weight loss and carrying that weight around for a very long time is maybe the spider veins. And to me, really, I'm 53 Big deal. But I won't wear shorts because of them. You know, it's something that I won't do. And to me it's an about an appearance thing. Like I like, you know, my legs to look clean, not clean, but you know, not flawless but you know, you just I don't like to see the spider veins on their various spider whatever they are. I don't know they're not chunky, but they are veins right? To me. Nothing a good spray tan were fixed. But yeah, to me, that's the only thing that I questioned myself on.

 

you don't have questions anymore.

 

Now I don't have any more questions.

 

So my last question is, do you have any favourite quote or saying about being a woman or maybe your thought?

 

Confidence is the key that unlocks the door to your true self. And as a grounded woman, you stand tall, embracing the strength within and radiating the beauty that comes from knowing who you are.

 

Who said that?

 

Pamela K. That's me.

 

that's your own. Perfect.

 

Yes. All right, that last night.

 

This is beautiful. Thank you. Thank you very much for sharing your story and being so open about that, that it may inspire someone or support someone if they're listening and in case they want to find you. I will give your context in the description. And I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day in the photoshoot. And thank you again.

 

Thank you so much.

 

If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com

This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.

 

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