#88 My Body My Story 45 Over 45 - Jason

We invited Jason to be our first male Guest Speaker when he came to the studio to help his wife Kylie (Podcast Episode #87) with her bags. We had a chat about how men see aging and body image issues. We found it interesting to compare the view from a man’s side on this topic. Jason had some great insights and philosophy on aging.

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT

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Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.

 

Women are amazing, like, like, they have the hardest part of life, like with what women have to go through. It's not just childbirth, but what's thrown at women through life. I don't think there's many men that can deal with, with all of that at once.

 

This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com

 

Hello, everyone, and welcome to The My Body My Story projects. And today we have a special episode a special guest in our studio. It's Jason, hi is a husband of Kylie, our previous episode, hero. And we decided to do this episode and ask a man what he thinks about ageing and body image issues. And I'm looking forward to this interview. Hello, Jason. Welcome to the podcast. And I'd like to ask you a question which I asked Kylie before. What do you think about ageing? What it means to you?

 

Okay, well, thank you for having me. From a man's view, because obviously they can they can vary slightly. But ageing, ageing, for me is not. It's something that I haven't necessarily thought about until later on in life, like, as you start to get older and start to realise that, you know, you can't do everything that you should do when you're younger.

 

I'm sorry to ask you that. What's your age?

 

just turned 50. We're talking about 50. So I'm any young.

 

Still a young man

 

yeah, you do start to realise that you're not as capable of physically doing what you would like to be doing, though. I'm still quite physically fit. But yeah, I'm definitely slowing down. Not that's it used to be like, not in your 20s. And, like, the number doesn't mean anything to me. And, like, I'm not, I'm not worried about you know, getting older or necessarily ageing, it's just, yeah, working out that, yeah, you start to realise your mortality, and that you're not going to live forever. And, and as you get older, that's where you, you might start to think about your regrets in life, or, you know, what, you haven't done what you still want to achieve. I, you know, talking to a lot of my mates. I know, that's the sort of things that they're starting to talk about when they're older.

 

so you do have those

 

Definitely. 100% Yeah, so yeah, everyone may have that. But yeah, I, for myself, in particular, you start to reminisce about your younger days, or, you know, what you still want to do in life? And are you capable of doing that anymore? I suppose that's where that fear might come in. Are you capable of doing what? What you still want to do?

 

So when you just suddenly start realising the mortality? So what's the first your first thought, Oh, I haven't done this, this and I have to do it or like, what's the next thoughts after realising the mortality?

 

I think it's, yeah, it's thinking more I do want to do this, but can I do it now? Men in particular get so wrapped up in work and providing and that side of life that as much as mothers give up so much for their family and their children. I think men do a little bit as well, but they just don't talk about it. So but that's I think hits him later on in life like, oh, maybe I could have done this or maybe I could have done that. Not as a regret in you know, having a family or you know, being married or anything just maybe just thinking about what could have been, I suppose. Not in a bad way.

 

It's missed opportunities. Yeah,

 

yeah. But yeah, age, age for most men, I think is just a number. They don't get judged as much by society for a man's age as a woman would. Not a fair system, but it's definitely out there. And how it works.

 

So we discussed with Kylie before in the previous episode (#88) about kids coming out of the house,  leaving the house. So woman start feeling like lost, like what am I if not a mother? So what happens to fathers? Like, what do they feel when kids leave house?

 

I think for me, it's similarly I don't think you want to I don't think you want your children to leave. Because I think you've from a man's point of view, it's harder to protect them when they're not under your wings, so to speak. So I think men go through a different process of worry, worrying about their children, especially in particularly our daughter, like, I'll worry about her going out into the world and, and she'll make her own mistake she has to and I'm just worried about her getting hurt.

 

So protection,

 

yeah, I think the protection to speak for guys. So it's drummed into us. From a young age, I think more than anything, so it's

 

not because it's like women, they're more worried about staying alone or just not how to say that they're not needed anymore. Like, but the men is more about They're not able to provide this protection,

 

but probably what you just said then, even though not being needed, as well, you also have men definitely go through that. Yeah, we need to update we need to fill that were useful.

 

And you mentioned about that story that you were one of your friends said that he feels that the young generation he has so many, so much to share. And the young generation

 

Yeah, now, one of one of my, one of my work customers, elderly guy, you know, mid 60s, very intelligent, very successful man. And yeah, he said to me a few weeks ago that, you know, when he's talking to the younger generation, now, they're not looking at him as someone who can, they can learn off anymore, they seem to be looking through him, like he's invisible. Like, he has no benefit to society anymore. Whereas, like this particular person, it would be would change their lives if they actually listened to what he had to say. But he goes they they just tend to follow him off now as you know, maybe being too old to help me or wait understand our generation and there's definitely generational gaps there. But yeah, what he's been doing for the for, for our economy and and for the last 40 odd years. That process hasn't change. And yeah, he he definitely still got a lot to offer.

 

Do you feel that men also need to get an opportunity when they get all this experience in life experience and knowledge that at some point they need to get a chance to share it? So it's important thing for men?

 

I think yeah, they want to I think it's more about like knowing that you've made maybe a difference you're going to be remembered for something like you're you know, you're not just going to be forgotten when you when you go on one day so like I want to I want to know that it made a difference to the children's lives to call these life yeah, my family friends like everyone sort of wants to it comes down to feeling wanted and needed I suppose. But I think everyone craves that a little bit appreciation of what basic appreciation covers most things in life I think

 

and what industry you're in?

 

electrician by trade? Yeah, so but even I have my days where I just feel like there's something better i could have been doing it. I've had a very, very good life. Don't get me wrong. I'm very happy. I'm surrounded by amazing people. You know, I've had my ups and downs like Everyone has. Yeah, that's just life you have to either move through it or a year, or your stop.

 

So do you have your own business?

 

I do Yeah.

 

 

So you’ra  business businessman?

 

Yeah, it's only a sole trader. But that's why I want to.

 

I'm also sole trader.

 

Yes. I don't want to be too busy, I like to be able to wake up and decide my job. Yeah. Not be reliant on, you know, having to sort of nine to five. I don't want to be, I want to be shackled into that sort of business.

 

But it's, it also takes a guts you have to be brave to make this decision. Because your own business, it's never definite. Nothing is. So you mentioned that coming back to some age. So I'd like to ask you this question. So if you could go back to any age of yours. Yeah, what it would be and what would you say to yourself?

 

Definitely, definitely mid 30s. I loved my mid 30s. So I just think you're at an age where you're mature enough to start making some better decisions. You're oviya sort of, you know, your teen years of just wanting to go out and party. You can still do that. But you you know more mature Yeah, you get cheaper car insurance. Now, it's just I just see if the 30s was were when probably time period where I was. I everything was lining up, you know, like, and I created that to like, that was something I worked very hard for but yeah, I just think it was a good, good age to not feel too old but not feel too young. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

 

In your prime?

 

Yeah, well, yeah. That's probably a good way of putting it. But yeah, like there's obviously other many factors there. But yeah, def definitely a better time of my life.

 

So what would you say to yourself from your now? from the point you are now? To the younger guy?

 

It's that million dollar question. If I, if I knew what I knew. Now, back then, life would be a lot different. But you know, I know what I know. Now, because of the mistakes or the all the wins I've had in life as well. Like, it's not all negative, which is hate to positive in life. So like, I actually, when I was 19, I had I was I was treated for for cancer. And that, that changed my whole view on on most of life. So and it's, I don't look at that as a negative, I look at that as a positive my life. Because I did it, it opened my eyes to so many things that I wasn't focusing on, because I was sort of too interested in being a teenager. But this is such a life test. Yeah, but even if I even if I had the chance to change that, I wouldn't, I would still keep that as part of.

 

So men do need to do their own mistakes, too.

 

And yeah, as much as you want to try and stop people from especially children from making their own mistakes, you have to because it's the only way you can really learn. It's just the thing that worries me or scares me is. You know, your children can be out there or yourself can make that mistake, but it's the difference between learning from it, or continuing on making the same mistakes. That's, that's probably the fee from a male point of view of, especially around children and my daughter. You know, she's gotta go out. She's got to choose her silly things that happened. But hopefully she learns that she doesn't want to do that again, and it never happens again. But it's the fear of that continuing to happen. That's probably and you can't, it's very hard to stop that. Yeah. And yeah, that comes from knowledge and experience of doing those same mistakes. So it is a little bit hypocritical, sort of saying, I made these mistakes, but I don't want you to go make them. But

 

I think that your task as a parent is to try and stop it. And then again, the next task, let it go after that. Yeah, yeah. So your task is basically to say, Don't do that. And then let it go because you did what you were required and And then you work within yourself, like trying to not to get to worry about that, because they will still kids will do mistakes again and again.

 

It happens, it's been happening for hundreds of years. I don't think it's going to stop now somehow. Yeah.

 

So, also, I'd like to ask you about the body image issues. And so what's your view on what's the main causes of body image issues? Where it comes from?

 

Are they like, similar to what Kylie said before? Our, our society and media and a lot of those platforms that, that everyone uses not just, you know, children, like even, you know, older people aren't myself. There is so much pressure out there to be something else. So, or, you know, to have something that you don't have. It's, it's a bit sad, actually, that we are that sort of society. Yeah, people can't just be themselves without judgement. Like, I think for a man, it is easier, because men have What do you miss 100% with a year, but we probably don't talk about it. As often, you know, like, a girl talk to a girlfriend about it. blokes not going to sit at a pub and talk to his mate about something like that.

 

I know you cannot talk for men, but generally knowing because you talk to your, mates and the courts, the main women his weight, generally, how they slim or not slim. So what's the biggest issue for men?

 

Men, men are quite simple creatures. It's about the attraction from the other sex primarily. So I'll give that information away for free. Men want to be attractive? Yeah, yeah. So you know, men who definitely have weight issues. We can tend to push that aside a little bit more or, or laugh at off. It doesn't mean it's going away. It's still there in our head. But, you know, men have that push persona that they, they can't, they can't talk about that. Or, you know, they that they're meant to be tougher than that type thing. So and there's nothing wrong with being that either. I think sometimes we can overthink stuff. Yeah, definitely. And that that affects that affects your mental status. If you if you're constantly worrying about a certain thing, that has to have an effect on you and the people around you and the relationship. Yeah, whereas guys will maybe still think about it, but they'll they'll forget about after a little while and might come back to it again. But we I think we can definitely isolate those thoughts. A bit more than than the women. Yeah. So what about Texas? But yeah,

 

what about rivalry? Between men? So do you have this issues? Because you want to look better than your friend?

 

Oh, yeah. And every guy like, compare a good looking guy walking down the street and go, Why can't I be? Oh, yeah, no, everyone does it. Everyone does it. And if they're not doing it, they'll think they're lying about it. So yeah, everyone's the same. And you know, men come down to other issues that they they're in competition with. So but yeah, here, close, we go through all the same staff. Just it's just on a slightly lower level, I believe.

 

Yeah, it's not that intense. And it's quick of process.

 

Like if we don't like our hair, it's, you know, it's a $30 haircut for us. gets a haircut. Yeah, if, if a female wants to change your hair, it can cost hundreds of dollars, you know, so it's also a monetary thing. So not everyone has the money to change their image if they're not happy with it. So

 

unless a man starts losing his hair

 

has a lot of guys, but that also comes down from the fact that you know, same thing with social media. And you know, it's out there that men are meant to have this full flowing header here. And like I'm balding my back. And to be honest, I don't even think about it until someone pointed out to me, because I can't see it. Yeah, it doesn't affect me in any way, shape or form. Because if someone's not happy with my haircut, that that really is a problem to deal with. Not not mine.

 

So you came to another question I want to ask you. How you deal, if you have, from time to time any body insecurity, so how you deal with that?

 

I think the simplest way for me to deal with it would have been to do those normal things like if I wasn't, men like to look good in nice shirts and stuff, so and I am quite a bad person for buying clothes. I like new clothes, or like, fill in new clothes a lot, look into your clothes. But as Carly's mentioned before, that, that that doesn't last forever. So you know, I've never been the type of person who will go and spend hours in the gym to try and get muscle league like, I'm not, I'm not an unfit person, I'm getting a bit heavier in my older years. Yeah, but like, I'm a tradesman, I'm always quite active anyway. But I, I have never seen the point in going into washing yourself for hours to try and get muscles that people may not appreciate. So I had one in particular, one gentleman who he would spend six hours at the gym every day. And it was to meet a particular type of woman that wanted that sort of body shape. And I said to him one day, we were having a chat at work. And I said to him, Well, you've met this woman, she loves you for the person you are. And I posed the question to him of what happens, you know, when you stop maintaining that, like, if that's what she's attracted to, you would need to maintain that to continue that relationship. And he actually said to me, yeah, that, like he agreed, he goes, if I want to keep this, this woman in my life, I need to continue down this track. So and it was it was taking its toll on him. So I think he actually thought about that. Because earlier about six, seven months later, he had stopped that process. And he wasn't with her anymore. But yeah, and that, I think, is the shallow part of our society as well. People do. Yeah, don't look further than what they can see in front of them. And I think that's quite fake. And I don't think it's very real. And yeah, that's my opinion. Obviously. I want you know, I want the I want the genuine part of the relationship, like the person that you actually meet, which is one of the reasons when and many reasons I fell in love with Kylie but, and one of the things and I've said this all along is one of the things I love about Kylie is her age.

 

Why?

 

Because she's who she going to be now. It's very hard to change later on in life. Well, not to change but you genuinely know who you are when you're older.

 

So how long you've been together?

 

We've only been together six years. Like we've both been married before. My first marriage was fine, but we got married too young. And we both Yeah, it wasn't a bad thing. We both became different people so it wasn't going to work out so and if I had met Kylie when I was younger then she wouldn't have had that journey where she'd had her children so when

 

When you were looking for your four partner or maybe not looking but considering a new partner, you were not looking for younger woman?

 

now I wanted to always look for someone my own age so after 45 We're the best. Not college beautiful woman so we have a lot of things in common and you know one of that is our age and similarities in what we want in life so yeah, I wouldn't change anything.

 

spiritual connection, but obviously Kylie is a very attractive woman.

 

Now she's beautiful. But ya know, I knew with Kylie from I think the second date something like that, that this was going to be something different than special so and haven't looked back since and gained four beautiful children out of it. So win win for me

 

Okay, so when your partner woman, just suddenly feels insecure about her body. What would be your words of support to her? Like, what's your thoughts? How would you help her with to go through that?

 

It's a tricky situation. We can get in trouble both ways for that. Exactly. Yeah, you did many, many different ways you can support that situation. So I don't look at that as, like, I just, I just want to be there for Carl, if he's going through those moments, so not every man, not every man's like me, unfortunately. So. But there is a lot of us out there. I, I think, like men men want to ask, especially myself, they want to problem solve, they want to solve things. So and that's where we're not fantastic at listening. So, like, we'll listen. But then we need to come up with an answer. Because internally, that's how most of our brains work. So I need to pull myself backwards a little bit when Carly is going through those maybe those moments and just maybe listen, like, I don't have to come up with an answer. As much as I want to, and I still will try and come up with the answer in my head. I don't need to verbalise it. So I think just having someone there to support it is most times enough. So like, I tell Kylie, I will love her every day multiple times. So she knows I love her. But I don't know whether there's a lot I can do to change that process. Because that's something internal. Yeah, that's something like everyone, everyone can change themselves, but they have to want to change so. And hopefully she doesn't come across negative. But like Kylie knows what she needs to do to change so I don't need to necessarily help her in that I just need to be there to support her.

 

I think men experienced a lot of stress when women complain about something which they cannot solve, because exactly what you said the men … usually for them is coming up with solution or which exactly action Okay, let's do that. And women not all the time need the solution,

 

but the women probably know what the solution is.

 

So in my last question is What is your thoughts about women generally, like what women are for you,

 

Women are amazing, like, like, they have a cop the hardest part part of life, like with what women have to go through. It's not just childbirth, but what's thrown at women through life. I don't think there's many men that can deal with, with all of that at once. So men can deal with a lot, but generally only one of the things we're taught. So women have probably anywhere up to 40 things going on at lunch in their brain. So our brains would probably explode at that point. But now I I do have a lot of respect for women like always had. But as I was brought up, to respect women, it upsets me when I see women not being respected. But once again, I can't control what other people were doing. So I wish it was a perfect world. Unfortunately, it's not. But it's a very fine line, I think of how to rectify or teach. It worries me that, you know, obviously new generations coming through. I don't believe that. They're taught respect for the older generation, as much as we were. Yeah, whether that be a good or a bad thing. I'm not sure. I guess we'll have to wait and see how that one pans out. But women in general deserve I think a lot more credit than what they they get. Definitely this pot of six. Yeah, unfortunately, not all of them get that.

 

Thank you. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and for agreeing to be interviewed. I really enjoyed our conversation and I hope that people who are listening us as well, thank you. Thank you very much.

 

Thank you.

 

If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com

This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.

 

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