#87 My Body My Story 45 Over 45 – Kylie H

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Kylie, what age she would like to go back to and what advice she would give herself at that age! We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body.

 

10 Facts About Kylie H

(at the time of the project)

 

1. 53 years old.
2. Kylie has four children. Her eldest is a boy in his 30. Then a daughter who is 18 going on 19. And then she’s got identical twin boys who are 14.
3. Kylie is married to Jason (who is our guest speaker at the next Episode #88)
4. Kylie was born and grew up in Sydney. She moved up to the Central Coast in New South Wales when she was 27.
5. Kylie used to be a corporate and worked for disability. And then she left there and became a counsellor. And recently she decided to go back to her childhood dream of being a teacher so changed her career mid-year. She has a year one class and loves being a teacher.
6. So apart from her counselling, Kylie is also a Reiki practitioner, massage therapist, meditation teacher, so she has all those skills up her slave as well.
7. Kylie is quite a spiritual person, so she absolutely loves the colour purple. She thinks it sort of stems from her spiritual side a little bit.
8. Kylie is an absolute animal lover. At home she has lots of animals - three dogs and two cats.
9. Kylie’s favourite animal is a giraffe, and she collects them.
10. Kylie also used to rescue animals, Australian wildlife. She has raised eight orphaned baby possums and put them back out into the wild.

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT

(auto-generated):

Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.

 

You have to accept all of you, in and out, you know not just what clothes you're wearing. I've learned that that makes not much difference to changing your body image.

 

This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com

 

Hello, everyone, and welcome to The My Body My Story project and today with us in the studio, Kylie and while she's sitting in the makeup chair and Citra is doing makeup for her. I'm going to ask her, I am going to ask her a few questions. Money and Kylie Welcome to the studio. Good morning. Let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.

 

Okay, well, for starters, I am 53 years old. I have four children. So my eldest is a boy in his 30 then, yeah, then my daughter is 18 going on 19. And then I'm also a twin mum. So I've got identical twin boys who are 14

 

Now it must have been exciting. Yeah,

 

It was interesting to be with twins for three and ended up with four. I feel very actually very blessed to be a twin mum,

 

Are they girls or boys ?

 

Boys. And they're identical. Identical. Yeah.

 

So they look, do they look exactly the same?

 

Fairly much. They look different now that they're older because they're, you know, different styles with hair and things like that. But if you just look at their faces, yes. So very, very identical. Very opposite in personalities.

 

So it usually happens. We have in family twins as well. And I know that they look very much similar but completely different characters. Yeah, yeah. Okay,

 

So I'm a, I live on the Central Coast in New South Wales, and I am a teacher. I'm a new teacher. I've changed my career. As I got older, I used to be a corporate and work for disability. And then I left there and became a counsellor. And then from then I decided Nope, I wanted to go back to my childhood dream of being a teacher so changed my career mid-year.

 

So midlife crisis,

 

I think so. But I love being a teacher. I have a year one class, which they are just delightful. So really much enjoying that.

 

Are they just the kids who first starting the school year one?

 

Yeah, they're in kindergarten first, and then they go on to year one. So they've already kind of gotten used to schooling. And now they're sort of starting to learn, they want to learn that it's actually really, really lovely age. So they're all six and seven. So I really adore being a teacher. What else about me? My favourite colour, I love purple. Absolutely love the colour purple. And I think it sort of stems from my spiritual side a little bit. I'm quite a spiritual person. So apart from my counselling, I also do, I'm a Reiki practitioner, massage therapist, meditation teacher, so I have all those skills up my slave as well,

 

Do you have a private practice?

 

I used to do. In between, while I was studying for to become a teacher, I used to do it as private practice. I had my own business at that point in time doing counselling and sort of like holistic healing, holistic therapy. So don't do that now. But would love to get back to it. Maybe one day when I'm a bit older again, when I'm sort of maybe got somewhere to do it. I used to have a room that I could do it in so whereas now I don't really have the space. Yes. So. So that's a little bit about that.

 

Where you born in Central Coast?

 

I was born in Sydney. I grew up in Sydney, and I moved up to the Central Coast when I was 27. So and I've been there since since then for quite a few years now. So we do prefer definitely the Central Coast. I really don't like Sydney that much. I grew up at Panini which is sort of out Bankstown way. And yes, so I would much prefer to be on the coast near the beaches. It's a much nicer place, although it's getting very, very busy these days.

 

Most people are moving there.

 

Yeah, a lot more people are moving up from Sydney, especially since COVID. I think that made a big difference since COVID. Yep, having more people come up, like with the commuting, like they didn't have to commute anymore. So with being able to work from home,

 

so how do you manage the four kids? I know your husband is sitting next to you now in the studio. Probably he can tell the story as well. But I want to hear from you though how you manage

 

manage for children? Well, it's much easier now obviously, that they're older. So my eldest, you know, my two eldest don't live at home anymore. So I only have the twins at home. So and they're very self sufficient now, but it was it was quite difficult when they were younger. There was a big age gap between my eldest son and my daughter. So he was actually a big help when we were young, like, sort of when the baby went like when the twins were baby, because he was 16 at that time, so I could sort of get him to help out with babysitting, and he had girlfriends that would want to come over and babysit the baby with the twins. So my daughter was four at the time. So that was quite hectic, having you know, twins and a four year old, but a very demanding four year old. So

 

do you have any funny stories what they did usually?

 

So many, so many, they definitely paired with each other worked in pairs like they would, you know, one would push something over or one would stand on his knees and the other one was stand on top to climb up. So they would definitely utilise each other. They would climb outside of the cots and climb into the other cot to be together. And also they do they would always share their dummies, just swap them over. I do have a one of those twin stories, which was pretty amazing, which I didn't believe myself. When my when the twins were about two and a half. One of the twins got some glass in his foot rule. And we had to get him put under to get the glass cut out. So I hadn't I was fortunate to have a nanny at the time. So she was at home with the twins are with want the one twin that was at home. And I was in hospital, obviously with the other twin. And I checked the time that my twin. James is his name that James went under. And it was 930. Exactly. And then he was under for 45 minutes. And I didn't bring my nanny until probably about lunchtime. Once you know James had come out of surgery, and he was all good. Bring my nanny to check how John that's the other twin was doing at home. And she said, Oh, he was really weird this morning. She said he took his bed there about 930 and decided to go to sleep. And that's not normally in his sleep routine. So and we had the twins on a very, very strict routine, we needed to have them on a strict routine. So it was really odd for him at 930 to be interested. He was just really, really sleepy just wanted to go to sleep. And I said Wow, that's crazy. I said what time how long did he you know, how long was it for and she said on probably till about, you know, 10 o'clock, quarter past 10, something like that. And then he wanted some morning tea and he was all good and wanted to play again. I know that was almost the same time that James was under the anaesthetics. So it's amazing. Yeah, it was and they always used to, you know, if one hurt themselves, the other one would hurt the same, or the opposite leg or the opposite arm within a day or so of each other. So there was always that connection. Mirror. Yeah, yeah. We did a bit of research that should classify them as mirror twins. So because they are opposite, like, James kicks with his right foot and John kicks with his left foot. So he's left handed. Yeah, he writes right handed, but he does a lot of things left handed. So so this is unpredict, sir. Yeah, yeah. So it's interesting being a twin mum

 

Did they try change, like pretending being eachother?

 

They don't get away with it very well, because the personalities are completely different. Of course, people can pick up very quickly. They could get away by looks, but they would have to actually adopt the other personality as well, if they wanted to try and get away with that. Yeah, although one net school just recently one got into trouble. Just before they got his haircut when they actually had the same hairstyle. One of the twins got in trouble for not being class, but he was actually in the right class. But it was the teacher got them mixed up. So that was the teacher's fault. Yeah, it was a teacher's fault. And she's in he said, No, I'm John, not James.

 

Are you teaching in the same school?

 

No, no, no. So they're in high school and I'm in a primary school. No, I don't want to teach in weakness. No, they wouldn't like me teaching I don't think in this school.

 

Do you have any pets at home?

 

Yes, I have lots of animals. I'm an absolute animal lover. We have three dogs at home and two cats. We did have four but we just lost one recently.

 

What are their breeds?

 

So I've got a mini dash hound a spool so she's a bit of a mixer. And our other one is the rescue dog and she's a box across. So yeah, so she's they're all beautiful dogs and the cats are just tabby cats.

 

So they're all different breeds. You don't have any preferences you just generally like animals

 

yeah, just dogs. Just animals in you know, just absolutely love animals. My favourite animal is a giraffe and everyone knows that giraffe. Yeah. Even my children at school know that I love giraffes do collect. Yes. We have giraffes in every room in the house. So my family sort of say we have too many giraffes. And I say no, we don't have enough. We can always have Magiera. So I used to rescue animals as well. I used to rescue Australian wildlife. So I've raised eight, orphaned baby possums and put them back out into the wild. Yeah, done a lot of rescues. So that was, that was an interesting time of my life. I really enjoyed doing that.

 

So if you traveled when it's like six of you, for kids, and like, how did you manage?

 

We had a seven seater. seven seater car. Yeah.

 

So you just travel within Australia?

 

Yeah. Well, we never … we've sort of just go local holidays. We most of our travel that we've done with the three younger ones, because the older one, like being such a big age gap. He never used to come with us very often. So it's only the three. So it's manageable. A lot more manageable. Yes. It's more of a family of five rather than just big differences. Only four years. Yeah, four years between my daughter and the twins. So but they, it's easier to travel without my daughter. She was a teen age.

 

Yeah, teenage.

 

She's very particular with stuff. So. But it's, it's still good to have her there as well. Like, it's just, I think that it's more because she's the only one whereas the twins have each other to play with. So that kind of like, made it just that little bit different. I meant I had to play with her, I had to be involved with her sort of thing. Whereas the twins would go off and play on their own. Or they could go to the pool on their own or something like that. It's where she didn't want to do that. So it made it sort of, she didn't like being the odd one out kind of thing. We used to sometimes take friends, a friend for her as well. So we have done that in past company for Yeah, so she's got someone to play with as well. But obviously now that she's 18 It doesn't, it doesn't fight the fact anymore.

 

So did you travel abroad?

 

We have been overseas. Yeah, we've been to Thailand, and Fiji with the kids. No, we didn't go to Fiji. Yes, I did go to Fiji with kids. And Thailand. That's the only overseas travel that I've done with the kids. Yeah, I took my eldest when he was 21. I took him out to the States for his 21st. So that was just me, him and my sister. So that was a nice fun trip. So the twins, and my daughter stayed at home. That was just me having some time off being I'm not being a mom

 

Do you have this time for each child? Just you and him or her? Or it just was 21st birthday? Because I'm wondering how I have only one son. And I'm just thinking, what if I have more kids? How can I show each of them that? You know, I can dedicate some time or you know, I know some family have just parent and the kid one day they spent together just for him or for her?

 

Yeah. Sometimes when they were little, I used to do a lot of things specifically with my daughter and my eldest I would do because they have such an age gap. So he had me on his own for quite some time. So he'd already had a lot of that one on one attention. But I still had to remember that he was still there needing me as well. So we were just two different things with him. And so I do the special. You know, like we'd go on a shopping And trip or I take it to the hairdresser's or you know, we're just a little even out to lunch, sometimes, things like that. And the twins were more often always together. When they were smaller, it's probably only as they've gotten older that I've been able to kind of sit and do something separate with them. But we don't necessarily, it's still quite often there, you know, things we do is often still together.

 

They have each other.

 

Yeah, they do. But now that they're older, they have a lot of different interests as well. So one, one of them is really sporty. So he gets a lot of one on one attention with his sport. And the other one is quiet introvert and quite happy to just stay inside his room on the computers, just so he doesn't actually need, he doesn't demand attention, or he doesn't need attention as much. And I guess, to give him that quality attention, it would be following him on a game or watching him play a game or something like that. And he's quite happy for that kind of one-on-one attention, just showing that interest, I think more so.

 

Showing interest in their interests? is where you give that one on one. So that's how you spread your love between them

 

Yes. What do you need from me today? What do you need? My daughter is she's always needed a lot more. But, you know, that's just the way it is. And that's fine. Girls. Yeah, it's girls. Girls need a lot of attention.

 

Okay, so is there everything you wanted to tell us about yourself?

 

I think so. That's quite a lot.

 

So let's move to the ageing and body image block of questions. And my first question here is what does ageing means to you?

 

So ageing to me is like, it's, it's growth. It's, I believe, it's that transition in life. So we grow like as we grow, we grow in wisdom, like in a knowing our intuition. And it's, we develop all the things that we need to transition through life. So I sort of I know our bodies age, and our minds age and things like that. But I think it's more than just that journey through life, of exploring and examining what life is

 

So how you perceive the ageing for yourself is it's more of a good thing, or

 

I've had mixed feelings. I've sort of, I've enjoyed growing as a person, I've enjoyed growing mentally, I think I've grown an absolute, you know, a huge amount mentally, physically, I kind of wish I could go back to being a bit younger, physically, I have a lot of issues with my body in particular. So, you know, I have a functional neurological disorder, and I have fibromyalgia. So that kind of stops my body from wanting to do a lot of things that my brain still wants to do. It's like, my body doesn't keep up with my brain. So I don't like that part of ageing. And I think that that's only gonna get worse as you get older. And I think and that's the only reason why I don't necessarily want to get older. Because I'm sort of scared of what my body might do. But the mental journey, I think, is amazing. Now that that, just that how you change over the years, and how you mature and how you adapt and cope with different things and how your resilience builds and how you learn about yourself and learn. You know, and even even all your trials that you go through in life and all the bad things that happen, you know, they actually teach you so much about yourself. So I would refer to ageing more as that.

 

So you mentioned about going back in time. So my next question is, if you could go back to any age, what it would be, why, and what advice would you give yourself at this age?

 

If I hadn't had to think about this question for a fair bit. So my I originally first thought sort of around my 30s but that was really trying emotionally for me. So I thought, No, I don't want to go back that far. So I actually thought probably around 45 Believe it or not, which is not that far back. But around 45 To me, I really had my I had it together mentally. I think I actually learned to love myself as a human. As a person, I'd learnt to accept everything that I am. I was see my children were a little bit older, so it was easier I could actually start doing things for myself again, without having to be totally, you know, have my children totally dependent upon me. So I could sort of start enjoying life a little bit more for myself again. So I think yeah, about around about 45 For those reasons, what would I tell myself, definitely to look after your body, eat better, like eat, eat, well drink plenty of water exercise, you know, really nourish it, fuel it well and nourish your body, mind, body and spirit, you know, not just not just physically Yeah, but also, you know, mentally as well just really, to really look after it. Because you only have one body. So I think that's, that's important to really look after yourself.

 

And if your body could talk, what do you think it would tell you

 

Right now it definitely be telling me to practice more wellness, exercise, drink, well, do all those things that I would have told myself at 45 that I'm only just starting to do now. So that my body is screaming out for you know, hydration? Yeah, healthy food, hydration, moving exercise. Relaxation, you know, I've always been a very busy person never really had time to stop. So it's, I think it's very important that we do have those times where you do have downtime, you do stop, you do relapse, and don't feel guilty? Well, absolutely, definitely get rid of those guilt feelings that we all have. I think society tells us that we should be doing everything you know, and especially as a mother and a working mother, you've got to be everything, you've got to do everything for everybody. And it's it's very tiring, very, very tiring. And you're always the first one that gets put aside. You know, and it shouldn't be that because you lose all the energy then for everybody else.

 

I know that your twins are still living with you, but didn't you have the feeling like when the first child left Home or the second one that you have, like a lot of empty space?

 

Yeah. And it's like, what do I feel my time within? That's, that's something that's actually scaring me a little bit. And it started when my son first left home, I cried for a month when he told me he was moving out. He was my first one that was heartbreaking. But you get that? Who am I? If I'm not a mother? Exactly. You know, what, what do I like? What are my interests? What? What will I do you know, when I'm not having to be there 24/7 for those kids. And it's a long battle. It's a long lot of thought processes, because you have to rediscover yourself as a person

 

and your identity.

 

Absolutely.Yeah. And it's quite, it's not an easy task to do. And then you're also going through like, you know, going through menopause, for example, you're going through a lot of your own emotions as well. So I wouldn't say I found my identity yet. I really don't. I still don't know what I'm going to do when the twins are completely.

 

Well, you switch to being a teacher

 

Yeah, I'd love to travel more with my husband. We've sort of talked about going around Australia and things like that. So we'll just do things together. And so this bucket lists, yes, that start ticking things off.

 

So were you planning to go?

 

we would love to go to sort of Austria. Places like that. around Australia, we want to get a campervan and motorhome or something and just go around Australia. See More, more of home?

 

Is there any place in Australia where you always wanted to visit and never been there?

 

I would really like to go up to the Daintree (Rainforest- editor). I would like to go down to the Twelve Apostles, and I would really like to see Uluru. I think that's something that I would just like to feel connected to the earth and any anywhere whether you've never been there No. No, never been mostly been to sort of Sydney so being to Queensland, you know, Victoria, Melbourne, being over to who been to some places in Western Australia. brief stop in Darwin been to Tasmania. I'd like to see more of Tasmania as well. I'd like to sort of do a little bit more around that. So there's, I mean, there's so much beauty in Australia, so much that you could see like nature so be nice to be you know, wherever there's those natural forms and things like that I would love to see.

So, coming back to the body image questions, what do you think are the main causes of body image issues?

 

I think our media has a lot to do with it society, you know, the expectations, and it's been around for a very, very long time on what expectations and it's not just, you know, women, it's men as well, but it seems to be a lot more prominent in women about the way you should look, the way you should act, you know, even even diets, you know, what's the newest trend what you should be this, there's always so much information out there that's puts a lot of pressure. And now that social media is even more so out there. It's even harder on a younger girls and young boys as well, to have to look a certain way and, and be a certain way, I think that definitely has to play. You know, even fashion, you know, what do you wear? What's the latest fashion? Do you keep up with the fashion? Do you go against the grain tends to be if you go against the grain, he seemed to be an outcast or so I think, you know, a lot needs to be changed. I think that a lot of people have tried, but I don't think it's still there. There's still still a lot of image issues out there because of of that.

 

Do you think that women are more sensitive to that subject than men? Or do you think that because you have kids, boy, boys and girls, yeah, can compare. Or boys can also have those issues? Or they're not that…

 

Boys are definitely have those issues? Yeah. They don't, they may not show it the same way as girls do. But they definitely have them. I mean, I see it in my own sons, how they, you know, they're worried about what people think, how they look, and you know, things like, especially into teenage hood, not so much obviously, when they're younger, but coming into teenage hood, it's, you know, it's more important that they got the hair the way that they wanted and the clothes the way that they want and things like that. So they definitely like an even older men, like you see a lot of like, why are these men you know, having to body build and things like that? Are they doing it because it's a sport? Or are they doing it to the way they want to look? And when to ask them? Yeah, well, a lot of cases, I think it's the way to look, you know, keeping up with the Joneses sometimes or just, you know, that being that trend that's out there. So it can definitely be men as well. But it definitely is very, very prominent, and a lot of women.

 

So it's like the human problem, not only women.

 

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And now, when you have all the mixed genders as well, like that's creating another level, another layer to image and the way or what's accepted what's not accepted in society. So we have so many layers out there of what we should be should look like. And I should act it's very, very difficult.

 

Yeah, that's true. And I'm just wondering that where it starts that who, who starts the trend, I know that this fashion and you know why it's so effective? You know, why this social? I think it's to do with a also social role or social place or acceptance in the society, you know, the way you look, it's kind of an indicator, you know, it's like a short cart. People. judge you. Yeah. You know, like, Who are you like, if you driving a good car, you dress well, you feed like, Oh, you must be wealthy or whatever.

 

Yeah, there is a definitely a lot of judgement in society, for sure, about different things. Even you know, even people that don't have a lot, you know, the way that people kind of look down on them. So there's this, like they talk about equal isn't like, you know, being a quality and things like there's definitely not a quality out there. Don't know what anyone says it's like, you can clearly see it in so many ways. And I think it definitely does come from that acceptance that society men humans are very social creatures. And it is your right I think it is that acceptance into society. Where do you fit? Where do you fit in society? And I think these days we have a lot of people trying to break out of that, of where they fit, you know, trying to fit on their own or be on their own. And that's causing you know, The people that say no, you've got to be part of this. And it's, you know, getting a lot of issues happening there.

 

It also depends on them. A culture or country? Yeah. And, for example, I lived in Dubai for 13 years. And there's it's very short kind of environment. Yeah. And it's common to if you wealthy to show it, look, yeah, have that and they send people that actually judge you by your look by the car, you drive or your watch you wear brands or whatever. And when I moved to Australia, I noticed that it's even that bad manner to show off your wealth or like, it's not a common, I don't know, maybe I've got the wrong impression, but I feel like it's not a good thing to show off,

 

I would probably tend to agree. I mean, it depends on where you sit in society, I think on that level, generally, yeah, generally, overall, I think it's that sort of middle upper, it's not quite, you're not quite up, I think it's that just above middle or sort of higher middle level is where it's the more acceptable or the Mont want to be kind of thing kind of level that people tend to aim for. Or be accepted more so for, I wouldn't say aim for more accepted at that level. Whereas if you lower costs, or don't have a lot of money, you tend to be looked down upon, if you're really rich, you tend to be you know, judged and you know, classified as like a snob or something like that, you know, so it's, it is sitting in that middle area, I think in Australia tend to, but you're right, culturally definitely, is effect like changes the way you should look or Wait, what is accepted? How do you fit into society? Or how do you fit into your culture, and Australia being very multicultural in a multicultural? It's, I think there's a lot of challenges within Australia for on so many different levels.

 

Because it's multicultural environment. Yeah, every nation brings something, tradition rules, and then that mix all together in this big pot, and it creates its own kind of atmosphere.

 

Yeah, and you wonder why our, you know, our teenagers and our youth get confused about where they should fit or whether they should say, especially if they are from somebody from different cultures, like a multicultural family. That's, you know, now being raised in Australia or it I think it's very confusing out there.

 

But what I learned with multicultural environment helps people to be more developed, you know, that they're not stuck with one culture. And they they put an environment where they have to try and understand yet different nationalities habits, you know, like, traditions, it doesn't mean that they take it but I mean, dealing with that, it just makes them more flexible.

 

Yeah, it grows the mind. It broadens the

 

in your school. Do you do you have a multi cultural different nationalities? Or?

 

Yeah, definitely. I think all schools do these days. We have we have a lot of indigenous as well. So you have you know, you've got your indigenous, but then you've got your, you know, other countries as well, but not it's not a huge, like they're, they're there but that's not a major whereas if you go to sort of like for example, some of the schools in Sydney, it's a lot more prominent. So, in my class, class, I've got a mixture, most of them are most of them are Australian, in my class or or with the children, our parents come from various backgrounds. We had that discussion the other day, actually from the different backgrounds of the children. You know, we've got Macedonia, we've got Scotland Dutch what else is in the closet that we're talking about? I can't remember now. There was quite a few different ranges of a Fijian I've got a little Fijian girl in my class. She's adorable. Yeah, there's like a few but not a huge, like it's not a broad range as such. So but yeah,

 

How do you think negative body image can affect relationship? I'm talking about not only men, woman, couple or friends, co workers like any type of relationship

 

I think it definitely impacts all relationships. Because if you're not happy with who you are as a person, or if you're not, if you've got a poor or a low body image of your own, then you're going to struggle to be accepted. If you can't accept yourself, how can others kind of accept you. And I think that that can cause some conflicts in all kinds of relationships. On an intimacy level, and when you talk about intimacy, as you know, that can be in a in a couple, but you have intimacy in in all kinds of relationships. And that's that trust and, you know, opening up to people, so if you're not comfortable with yourself, you might not necessarily be comfortable with opening up to other people. So coworkers, etc. Yeah, so it's all the same. And I think, in personal relationships, I think it can definitely impact because you sort of want to shy away from your body, you don't want your partner maybe to see your body the way it is, you know, and then that can impact then on your partner, because then your partner thinks that you're not interested in them, because you're trying to, you know, you go round and round and round in circles. Yeah. And, you know, in friendships, you know, what's such and such wearing? You know, can I meet up with that person, especially, you know, younger, younger ones, you know, I need to, you know, be that I need to look like that, you know, they've got better clothes than me or they look nicer, their hair is better than me, or they wear their makeup better. All those kinds of things, impact on friendships as well, even to the thing, what I know, my daughter says often, like, she'll see a tarp or something that she likes in the shop. And she goes, I really liked that, but I'm not gonna buy it, because my friends got it already. So. So that's impacting on so many different levels with choices and choices. Yeah, it's sort of limits her choices of being able to just buy it, but just don't wear it on the same day or something. So I think it definitely affects all and it can create quite toxic, or toxicity and a lot of relationships as well. So

 

insecurity usually attracts toxicity. Yeah,

 

yeah, definitely. So it's, it's, it's something that should be dealt with and overcome in somebody, if they have a poor, poor body image, I think that's something that they need to work on it. And I'm coming from somebody that has had a poor body image for a very, very long time. There was, you know, I think it was from, you know, growing up, how I felt about myself growing up. My mother, and I think this is where it impacts on relationships as well is how it travels through families. And I know my mother had very, very low self esteem, and very, so she didn't actually teach me to be, you know, have high self esteem. My mother wasn't somebody for makeup, or, you know, dressing yourself up or anything like that. So I never kind of learnt those kinds of things. And I had to find my own way and find my own self there. And, you know, I got teased for certain parts of your body when you were younger, and then that impacts as well as you grew up. So I had a lot of time. And I still have some issues there that I still worry about, or don't necessarily like, but I've come to accept it a lot more now than what I did when I was younger. So I think if everyone could go through that journey of just accepting and you know, you are what you are, you know, it is a journey. It doesn't come easy, no accepting yourself.

 

So what is your go to ways to overcome your body insecurities when they come up?

 

I remind myself of my good qualities, I remind myself of the, you know, the positive things. You know, I might, for example, I might walk past the mirror, if I'm having a bad day, I might walk past the mirror and go, Oh, my God, that's just gross. And just keep walking, but then I'll stop myself in thought and go no, no, no, no, no, no, you can't say that. You've got to, you know, you've got to be kinder to yourself. So it's just being aware, being conscious of that thought process that you have. And so it's

 

more of a mental support.

 

Yeah, so definitely change with age.

 

What did you do when you're younger?

 

When I was younger, I would probably try and change the way I look somehow by changing my hair or, you know, getting different clothes or something like that. Whereas now it's more that mental acceptance definitely. is sort of, you know, you have to accept all of you in Inanna out, you know, not just, you know what clothes you're wearing, I've learned that that makes not much difference to changing your body image. You might look, you know, you might feel better in certain clothes. But it's only very short lived. It doesn't last long, Tony that only lasts while you're wearing those clothes kind of thing. So.

 

So my last question is if you have any favourite cord or about being a woman or saying or maybe your own thoughts?

 

Yeah, I did actually find I found a couple I was sort of looking for some things. And I actually found some that a couple that I actually joined together rather than individually. And I really liked this being a woman is a superpower, the power to create, nurture, and transform. So I really love that sort of quote, because as a woman, we, I mean, yes, we have the power to create life. But we get to transform our lives. We get to, you know, our nurturing and our caring helps transform other's lives as well. I think we can inspire a lot of others. So I that sort of that quote sort of really resonated with me. Yeah.

 

Excellent. Thank you kind of think thank you very much for joining the project. And I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day.

 

Thank you for having me. I'm excited and to see the finished product.

 

Thank you. It was good, smooth.

 

Apart from the coughing session.

 

If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com

 

This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.

 

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