#66 My Body My Story 45 Over 45 - Ruth

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Ruth, what age she would like to go back to and what advice she would give herself at that age! We also talk about main causes of body image issues, how they come up and how she overcomes it. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body.

10 Facts About Ruth

(at the time of the project)

1. 45 years old.
2. Ruth is a single mother of two wonderful boys.
3. She was born and grew up in South Africa.
4. Ruth left South Africa in her early 20s and moved to London.
5. She lived in four countries – South Africa, England, Czech Republic and now in Australia for about 15 years.
6. Ruth is very optimistic as a person and has a glass half full view of life.
7. She loves water sports - ocean swimming, kayaking, rowing, and dragon boating.
8. Ruth also did figure skating for 10 years when she was younger,
9. She is very into personal growth. Learning and keeping an active mind and mindset is incredibly important to her.
10. Ruth is introvert and small chats are not really her thing. But relating to people one on one is very easy for her. Being an expat she values friends, family, and community a lot.

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT

(auto-generated)

Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.

 

Well, negative body image, even the word is means you don't feel good about yourself. So I think deep down, you know, there's an insecurity. So you're probably looking to validate yourself through others, whether that's friends definitely in an intimate relationship, and you're not feeling good enough in your skin. So I think it impacts a healthy relationship.

 

This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelt with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com

 

Hello, everyone, and welcome to my body, my story, podcast. And today with us Ruth in the studio. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair, and Chitra is doing makeup for her. I'll be asking her a few questions. Hi, Ruth.

 

Hi, Alex.

 

Welcome to the studio. Welcome to the project. And let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.

 

Thank you. It's lovely to be here. Well, I'm a 45 year old woman. I'm a single mother, a single mother of two boys, two wonderful boys. I grew up in South Africa, and moved in my early 20s to London. So I've lived in and then I moved to Prague for bits in Australia. So I've lived in four countries.

 

Oh, wow. So it was…

 

South Africa, England, Czech Republic, Republic and Australian.

 

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And I've been lucky enough in the years, you know, to have a really good career solid foundation. And I really love what I do and work and work and people role. I work with amazing people. And I'm very fulfilled I guess a couple of facts about me. I don't even know if I have facts, but just who I am. I'm very optimistic as a person. That's a good one. Yeah, I think no matter what, challenges come my way in life, and we all have challenges and you know, there's been trauma and they've been things to get through. Yeah, always have sort of a glass half full view of life. Yeah, and I love watersports. I've always found I'm very much into ocean swimming at the moment in doing that for a good couple of years, but before that was kayaking, rowing, dragon boating.

 

So water sport?

 

Yeah, love water sports.

 

Did you do any competitions or just you do it for your own pleasure? And health?

 

Yeah, a little bit of competing with dragon boating. When I was younger, I did figure skating so I guess that's frozen water. Yeah, figure skating. Yeah, for 10 years. I love that competed.

 

Would you be able to do some pirouettes?

 

Yeah, I think so. If I had some good boots and good, good. blades that were

 

I have ice skating boots with me. Is there any ice ring in Sydney?

 

Yeah, I've been once or when I came here. Like, I don't know, 15 years ago, it felt a lot more flaky. When I was 17 Yeah, like everything was a totally, totally. Yeah. And and yeah, I'm very into personal growth. I think learning and keeping, you know, an active mind and mindsets incredibly important to me. And things that are important to me are friends and family and community. You know, being an expat not from this country. Friends, friends are my family.

 

So you said you moved in your 20s. So you've probably been here for quite a long time. How did you find the process of finding your community? So how did you do that? Was it hard for you? because what I learned that a lot of people on who come to our project, a lot of women they say like it's hard to make friends and connection. We're talking about Sydney in particular. So what's your..

 

what's my view on that? Well, I moved first to London and that was quite easy in my 20s so there for about six years and it's a very, you know, very vibrant city so I didn't find Not terribly hard, moved to Sydney with my husband at the time. I think I was 30. And I guess it wasn't hard, but it, it wasn't hard to integrate, because we went from sort of open arms into a South African community, which is quite typical. But it took a good few years to make friends outside of that. Yeah. I think work helped having kids helped. Largely to this day, my friends are still quite, you know, they're British and South African. They're a little handful of Australian friends butted around. And a couple of you know, yeah, just European friends as well. Just wonderful. So it's been hard in some ways, but I think I've always made friends in my work as well. Amazing colleagues, so

 

So you, you're easy. You know how to do small talks.

 

Yeah, I think so. I'm a bit of a bland I guess introvert and extrovert. I don't need a crowd. I don't desire it all the time. And um, you know, small chats. Not really my thing. But relating to people one on one is very easy for me. And I lack that. So. Yeah, learn to be extrovert comfortable in my skin. Yeah. And I guess having you know, those kinds of ability to relate to people creates friendships.

 

Yeah. Yeah. So we've got 10 facts about you. Do you have extra? Oh, you want to share?

 

Add unnecessary, very hard question to answer. Who am I? What am I? If anything you can ask me?

 

Yeah, just, I thought maybe we missed something. But I think it's quite interesting set of facts. Yeah. So let's move to the subject of our podcast, which is body image and ageing? And my first question, and that theme, is, what does ageing means to you?

 

Yeah, that's a really good question. And definitely not one I was thinking about in my 20s. But, you know, I've been 45 now, and it's something that creeps up on you. And I think I think what it means to me is being becoming and being really comfortable in your skin, which is both physical, you know, seeing the changes accepting them, but also mental. Really, just, and that's been my sort of area of growth, I think, in the last couple of years, just feeling more comfortable in who I am. And that comes with age, that, you know, that total acceptance of who you are, and, and yeah, not needing to prove yourself, the beautiful thing. So I think and I wish that it was more revered in older women. That's absolutely what drew me to this project. Just a celebration of women over 45.

 

Yeah, yeah. So you think ageing is from what I understood? From your words, it's getting more comfortable in your own skin and not paying that much attention to others opinion?

 

Yes, yep. I think not being concerned with others opinions is a huge thing, and allows you to feel confident and empowered and secure in your own wisdom.

 

We'll come to that a bit later. But also, I want to ask, if you could go back to any age, what would it be? And why?

 

That's such a good question. Not, I don't know, my 20s somewhere, maybe 25, I think comes to mind. And why I think I would like to be able to tell that version of myself 20 years ago, not to be scared. And I don't know if I knew that I had fears in, but I think I must have just to let go. Embrace Life. Figure out your passions and go for them. And stop being a people pleaser. Just

 

that would be your advice to you?

 

that they totally own it. Let your whole-self shine.

 

It's interesting that last two seasons, I asked question about what would you say to food to yourself and couple of ladies said like, okay, thirties are already more or less stable, that would be I would go to 20. So this is why I changed this question, and I asked what age you would go and you're already third person saying in my 20s It's interesting.

 

Yeah, so probably it's this very sensitive age where we feel the most insecure For some reason, though, I think you're finding yourself, finding your feet. And that feeling of acid and the habit of conforming, needing to conform needing to just do what society expects. I don't think I ever stopped to pause and figure out what I really wanted out of life.

 

It's funny that it changes with the time with age, depends on your life's life stage,

 

I've had a few things, you know, just you know, the force and other things happen. We you don't expect it you can't control life and, and suddenly you see laughs very differently. You repackaging yourself. Yeah, putting yourself back together.

 

I like that expression.

 

Yeah, repackaging. rebranding and repackaging, rebranding new identity.

 

So if, if your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you?

 

now, it would probably say, Well done, keep up with the veggie juices, the fruit juices every morning, but it would probably be asking me for a lot more general vegetables and cut the sugar root. Yeah, that's always been my thing. But I mean, oh my gosh, I've come heaps. If I think about, I think 19 was the first age I had a banana.

 

Oh, really?

 

Super fussy.

 

So why? you didn't like the look of that fruit?

 

It's probably like a whole therapy session in itself. I was just so fussy as a child. I just Yeah, fruits and veg or anything that looked strange. I didn't want so I welcome it now and I enjoy it. And as you know, crave it, which is a good thing. But more of it is what nobody would ask me for.

 

Are you the only child and family?

 

No, I've got a brother. He's 15 months older.

 

So what do you think are main causes of body image issues. I know you said like, if you don't sound like you have many body image issues, but generally, what do you think the main causes for that?

 

Yeah, it's interesting. You say I don't, I don't have I had an eating disorder at age 17. I mean, I think obviously, social media is the biggest cause. But it's passed down, isn't it? It's a cultural thing. It's systemic. It's all around us. Women need to look a certain way. You know, to be beautiful. Women need to be desired. It's, it's been around forever.

 

But it's interesting that old days, woman should be in, in full body shape to be desired. Yes, where now it's more of healthy or even. Okay, now it's getting back to healthy but before it was skinny, anorexic kind of look. So what I'm just thinking how it changes, you know, like, why? It's, we’re still same people. But before woman was beautiful when she was full. And now when she's done when she's 15. And now where she's any body shape, but comfortable in herself.

 

It's incredible, isn't it change has changed over the centuries. And I think it's in a good place now that you know, it's becoming more focused on health, hopefully, hopefully, it's becoming better. It's

 

on the other hand, I remember I spoke with someone about that. But the body positive movement, it's for me, it's a two-sided coin. On one hand, it's the idea of this moment is really good saying like, yeah, you have to accept yourself and don't punish yourself for not perfect look, because we're not perfect, we cannot look perfect. But on the other hand, I noticed that some people just justifying the laziness and not to do anything for being healthy. You know, like, they, Oh, I have to be body positive. Like knowing that it's still unhealthy the shape they are in or it just causes damage to that's

 

fascinating as a psychology. Yes. Sort of I can it's an excuse now to just relax. Yeah, had not thought about that. When the tide will turn, and it'll come back again. Exactly.

 

Yeah, that's a very, very fine line not to go into either direction. Yeah, exactly. So balance is everything. Okay, so how do you believe or think negative body image effects relationships. And now here I'm talking about any relationship, friendship, marriage, work. Colleagues, whatever. So do you think the

 

Great question, I think that will negative body image, even the word is means you don't feel good about yourself. So I think deep down, you know, there's an insecurity. So you're probably looking to validate yourself through others a lot. Whether that's friends, definitely in an intimate relationship. You're not feeling good enough in your skin. So I think it impacts a healthy relationship. It's not equitable, and it would impact intimacy if you don't feel comfortable in your skin.

 

So, so searching for validation, it's the main reason for problems in the relationship. Yeah.

 

Yeah, exactly. You can't rely on others to feed you. I mean, I think it's healthy to validate each other, you know, to some degree when you're in love and love someone but not from a needy perspective.

 

Absolutely. agree with you. That's hard.

 

You know, like, even sometimes you realise that you've been meeting and sometimes it's a Yeah, but I wasn't.

 

Oh, well, human. Isn't that kind of good. If you notice, you should just accept and meet. Correct. You will feel better say Okay, fine. Yes. Yeah. I do behave a bit needy. I let myself couple of days to be needy. Yeah, go back to normal. And it's kind of cute. When you own it. You owning a little moment of weakness. Yeah.

 

And it's healthy as well. Yeah. Just allowing yourself be not perfect.

 

Being vulnerable. Yeah. Yeah.

 

So if you have, from time to time we all have, if you have any body related insecurities, how do you overcome that? And what's your go to method to strategy?

 

I don't have many sort of conscious methods, I did have, you know, a period and then a 17, where I had a bit of a eating disorder. So I've overcome that one simple strategy. I guess I never weigh myself, I don't own a scale. And I don't spend time thinking about it. You kind of know, when you don't feel good, and you've had, you know, very active Christmas and you could feel maybe you're letting a slow slip. And then I'm like, crap, let's just, it's all balanced. That so basically, I'll just do a bit more exercise, but I've never dieted since I was 17, and I won't again. So maybe that's my strategy.

 

So you just do activities.

 

Just do me do laugh. accept who I am, accept my body and lock my body in. It's not perfect. You know, but I'm happy with who I am. And, and then most days, definitely, throughout the week, most days, I'm thinking, you know, what, what am I eating? that's healthy. But also, I'll have pizza and hot chips anytime and be okay with that.

 

That's good. But you're allowing yourself now?

 

Yeah. Plenty of times.

 

And do you have? It's, you kind of answered that, but I will ask, so do you have a ways to bring yourself into the body shape you want? And I'm more interested, if it changed with age, you're like you had one method when you were younger? And now something else works for you or it's still the same?

 

Yeah. And I don't know if this is so much body age or just my body feeling different pain, you know, enjoying some stuff as you get older, but I was very into sports that was quite cardio focused. Before and predominantly, I don't think I did that though. From a body image perspective, more from pushing myself and competing, I guess. Whereas now as I'm older, I prefer sports that are more gentle on the body. So ocean swimming, Pilates isn't my go to

 

Oh, no, I've heard about that.

 

Yeah, just started Pilates reformers. Yes. That I love it.

 

Yeah, ocean ocean swimming. Swimming. Pilates. Oh, no, no, no, not together. That would be amazing.

 

Wow. You know, but we should. ocean swimming.

 

And Pilates. Yeah, yeah, Pilates. I just do that. And I love that because it is really good for toning. So that for sure is the first thing that goes with age so I guess it's good to keep it up.

 

So just switch from cardio to more Um, stretching, flexing and toning, donning.

 

Yeah, but really because, you know, I get my lower back hurts or my knees hurts. I don't like to do things like f 45 anymore through high impact.

 

Okay, so in my last question and I love it. What's your favourite quotes about being a woman or saying, Oh, maybe your own thought?

 

Oh my gosh, that I save quotes daily or means services. I love them. Quite a few. There's a beautiful quote from Eleanor Roosevelt. You know, what is it well behaved women rarely make history. I love the love that I've added plays to that, you know, me coaching my 25 year old self stop being such a good girl. And another one which is just more pertinent to where I am at the moment. A woman is unstoppable after she after she realises she deserves better. Yeah, yeah. I think there's, it's an intrinsic thing. You know, someone once said to me, you can anyone can take anything away from you, but not your mindset. You know how your whole being how you put yourself forward? You know, honest, ya transparent. Yeah, there's other things that are true to us.

 

Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you very much for such a great podcast episode, and I've really enjoyed our conversation. Wish you a great day today. Enjoy the experience.

 

Thank you. It's been good to chat with the project. Thanks very much.

 

If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelt with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com

 

This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.

 

For more information about the project visit:

https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45

 

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