#56 My Body My Story 45 Over 45 - Kim

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Kim and what she thinks about perfect body image, positive changes and challenges of 45+ women, what is it for her to feel good and look beautiful, and what advice she would give younger women and 30-year-old self!

 

10 Facts About Kim

(at the time of the project)

1. 53 years old. Kim was born in 1969, the same year that they walked on the moon.
2. Kim looks and sounds Australian, but she was born in New Zealand. Her mum travelled there and met Kim’s dad and they got married. And they were only there for four years.
3. Kim has an older sister and a younger brother. After moving back to Sydney they lived with Kim’s grandpa in Cronulla.
4. Kim has always had chickens for pets. And every house she’s had, had chickens. Now, Kim has got Ameraucana chickens, which have blue shells eggs.
5. Kim has been married two times and has 3 kids – 2 sons and a daughter.
6. Kim is a primary school teacher.
7. Kim played chess since she was four years old. And she has been running the chess club for two years at school.
8. Kim has just recently discovered a love for gardening, which is something she thought before was quite boring. It happened when Kim found all these amazing rare native fruits in her garden. She has discovered about 50 native rainforest trees in the backyard. They were planted by Evan Weatherhead who was a president of the Glenbrook native plant reserve and used to live at the house Kim lives now. Her favourite one is the finger lime tree.
9. The biggest challenge at this age – “The knowledge that you're getting closer to dying. I found myself in the last few months counting how many years I've got left and thinking of all the things that I want to do before that happens.”
10. Positive change with age – “I'm much easier with myself, more self-accepting and I have learned to be more assertive”

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT

(auto-generated)

Hi, you're listening to the My Body My Story podcast.

 

The little kiddies play like the little girls act as their parents at play slow-mo often, they will act diet, dieting behaviours, and they'll say to their friends in Hong Kong, oh, I can't eat, they will make me fat. I'm on a diet or whatever. And I think and they are three years old.

 

This is the 45 or 45 chapter where we celebrate rule breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show that sensuality, beauty, soul and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and will listen to the stories of our participants. If you have an interesting story to share, we would love you to participate, you can email us on info@aleksandrawalker.com or visit our website, www. aleksandrawalker.com

 

Hi, everyone, and welcome to My body. My Story project and today with us Kim in the studio. Hi, Kim, welcome to the studio.

 

Hi.

 

And while she's sitting in the makeup chair, and Citra is doing makeup for her. I'll be asking her a few questions. Tell us a bit about yourself.

 

Okay. I do look and sound Australian, but I was actually born in New Zealand. My mum travelled there and met my dad and they got married. And we were only there for four years. So my mama had three kids, my oldest sister, me and my younger brother. And then they separated and we moved back to Sydney to live with my grandpa in Cronulla.

 

Wow, that's a nice area.

 

And second fact is that I've always had chickens for pets. So when I was growing up, my mum always had chickens. And every house I've had I've had chickens because I think they're useful animals and you feed them and they lay your eggs which has been very helpful during lockdown.

 

leaving the house and you have a chicken.

 

Yeah, I always have a chicken coop in the backyard. Yeah. And it's they're just lovely. The sound of them is lovely. And cleaning their eggs is part of my routine and just having fresh eggs all the time. And at the moment, I've got Ameraucana chickens, which are interesting because I have a Blue Shield egg, which is yeah, very, very interesting.

 

I have a third fact is that I have three kids. So I have two children, Harry and Hannah to Peter, who was my first husband. And then I had another relationship after that relationship ended and we had another child who's Joshua will the fourth back which I've already covered, I've been married two times. First, Peter, who I'm still good friends with. And then Marty is my current husband.

 

I'm 53 years old. So I was born in 1969, the same year that they walked on the moon.

 

Oh, nice fact.

 

Even though it looks like I am I've got red hair, but that's not a natural colour. I've actually got dark brown hair naturally. So I'm pretty much 100% Grey, but I've been dyeing my hair since I was about 25 years old, the same colour so I sort of feel natural redheaded, but some ladies get annoyed at me because they say well, we you didn't have to get teased at school. We'll get teased at school and you just have the glory of the red hair when you're adult. But you didn't have to put up with all the teasing when you were young. Yeah. Keep that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's actually it's a it's an odd because I've got blue eyes in the red here, which is a very, very naturally rare combination. So generally, blue eyes does not go with red hair. I think it's like point 2% of the popular point zero 2% of the population.

 

So anyway, the next point is that I'm a primary school teacher, I started off as an early childhood teacher and the wages are very bad. So just recently, I just did an extra year and retrained as a primary teacher, which I've been enjoying. So I grew up in Cronulla. And I didn't grow up with my dad. I didn't see him at all. When I was growing up. I think I've had probably when I was growing up, I had two contacts with him. So that led to some emotional issues I had when I was younger of rejection when I was in relationships and things but I don't have any hard feelings or anything. And mom did a really good job. And it's interesting. Anyway, I won't go into that. But anyway, the next point is I have played chess since I was four years old. And I run a chess club at school. And I've been running the chess club for two years, and I've been beaten by one kid once. So that's pretty good odds. And like he's in his 60s Quite an exceptional chess player. So I'm really good at it.

 

And probably love this Netflix show.

 

Oh yes. The Queen's game, but yeah, I did love that. Yeah, I watched it a lot. Yeah, I thought it was amazing. And then after I saw the movie, I bought the book and read the book as well. Yeah. I have I have a massive scar on my stomach which is probably why I won't be wearing any sexually lingerie for the photoshoot because when I was two I, my appendix ruptured, and I got rushed to hospital and I had my appendix out. But it's not a nice little appendix scar, like some people have got, it's like a big cut right down my stomach. And that's something that's 10 points.

 

Yeah. Very nice. Very nice. So what are you most passionate about?

 

My kids. So my daughter is 22. And she's studying science at uni. My son Harry, who's 24. And he is a disability support worker. And he lives close by. And Joshy. Yeah, so I heard someone say once, when you have kids, it's like pulling a little piece of your heart and putting it on legs. So pretty much every time they succeed, you feel successful. And when they fail, you feel like you've failed somewhat. So luckily for me, or my kids are very happy, successful people. So I feel at peace with them and their choices. And the relationship I have with me is all good.

 

Yeah, it's important. It's like kind of I know, it shouldn't. But it's kind of validate us as mothers, you know, that. Our kids are all good, you know, and good people. But I think also for those parents who have problems with kids. It's not always 100% our fault.

 

Yeah. But it's always nice to have we call it go good kids. Yes. It is very hard. And a few of my friends have kids. And, you know, they can I mean, my son was never perfect. He had a few issues when he was growing up, too. But it does it really, I'm quite good at, I feel contented that I did everything I could when the kids were little. So I don't feel guilty, really, that I don't feel like I you know, didn't give them enough food or that I didn't spend enough time with them. Or I really have no guilt. So when they make wrong choices, I actually don't take it upon myself and blame myself, whereas a lot of my friends will blame themselves when their kids have issues. And often I'll say to them, well, it's not your fault. You know, that's their choice. They're adult enough now, but they continue to blame themselves for their kids shortcomings. And I think well, it's really they like that. And you know, I have heard someone say once that love covers a multitude of wrongdoings and I think if you can just love your kids and they feel that love. Really, that's all you can do for them. And after that it's their knee. It's up to them. It's their destiny. Yeah. So yeah, kids definitely number one.

 

And I love dancing. You were talking before about your Chinese dancing life at all. I love watching Dancing, being part of dance and going out dancing. So my mum was a folk dance teacher when I was growing up. So we spent a lot of our evenings and weekends going to folk dance festivals and you know, folk dancing with the old people. And so that's always been something that I've enjoyed. As long as it's not too choreographed. I don't prefer more free dancing than structured dancing. So still, now me my girlfriend's often I'll go out on the weekends just so we can get a good dance in. And one of my good girlfriends is a singer in a band. So I will often go and watch her sing. And just recently, her daughter is also a good singer. So we did a road trip, which was really exciting down to South Coast and spent the weekend listening to live music, which was amazing. So lots of dancing.

 

And I love going to the beach and swimming in the ocean.

 

And I'm just recently I've discovered a love for gardening, which is something that my mum always do when I was growing up, but I thought was quite boring. But just in the two years ago, when COVID started, I found all these amazing fruits on the ground. I've got a quite a large backyard and I used to annoy me I used to go out there and it was all the big trees were blocking the sun. And I'm like I used to say to my husband, our trees are so annoying because they blocking the sun and we couldn't get solar panels. And then once I went out the backyard, and I found all these beautiful red fruits on the ground. So I googled the fruits, and I found out there was this rare native tamarind tree. Yeah, and there's only four of them left in the wild. And I was like, Oh my goodness. So I tasted it was a very tough fruit, but it's very good for making jams. I started making jams and chutneys with it. And um, since then I've discovered all these other amazing red trees in my backyard. So the guy that lived at the house before me was a native gardener and he was the president of the Glenbrook native nursery. And I've been there heaps since because I sort of thought following in his legacy a little bit and his name was Evan Weatherhead. So I'm Googled him and I've found all these plugs all over the garden. So what I've tried to do is match up the names of the trees with the plaques. I've discovered about 50 native rainforest trees in the backyard. So I've got a big macadamia nut tree and so I don't know because I've been living there for 16 Nice. So my girlfriend ISIS, um, I don't know how you didn't know these trees were there. And I'm like, I just didn't. I was so busy. You know, working and everything. I didn't go out into the backyard that much. But yeah, so that's been a real joy. So I've the whole COVID weeding and moving mulch and researching about the native plants. And my favourite one is the finger lime. I don't know who ever seen the finger lime, because all the Ozzie bushtucker is coming back in. And so I've got all these established bushtucker plants already. So the finger lime is like a native citrus and it's got a little caviar shaped citrus balls inside it. So I've got about 20 of those in my yard. So and they actually sell for over $100 a kilo. So that's a bit exciting. I thought when I'm retired, I can go into business selling finger lime or native Australian produce,

 

or what was the society's story, and I should have started like YouTube channel and you know, blog about that. Yeah.

 

Yeah, I've been putting a lot on Facebook, and I've had a lot of interest. And lots of my friends have come and had garden tours and things like that.

 

Yeah. So I'm just wondering that if someone wants to, do you have any group or information

 

well, the Evan Weatherhead, who's the guy who used to live at the house, he planted all the trees. He is members of his native nursery, which is run by volunteer people. So I will go there is only open twice a week. So I go there. And they have actually asked me if they could do a garden tour. And I've said yes, so Yeah.

 

You mentioned before we spoke that you live in Blue Mountain.

 

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So it seems like sun Yeah, it's a really big jacket. So pretty much I've got a mini rainforest in my backyard. We'd like all these rare Australian trees. And one of them is like it, like critically endangered in New South Wales.

 

So wow, what an interesting story. Yeah.

 

Because I think what happens is people build houses, and they just knock all the treatment of Native trees down. Whereas even because it was so conscious is you know, he's, he's planted all these amazing trees. So you just bought house from him? Well, he had passed away. So we bought the house from his wife. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And he was very passionate. There's lots of stuff on the internet about him. And he's written all these articles for native magazines and stuff. So yeah, it's been and I feel a little bit a little bit like I would like to carry his legacy on. So both of my neighbours have told me about him and said that I use always have garden tours, and people always be walking through there, through the garden and that sort of thing. So yes, that's interesting. Then I went to the native nursery and the gates have got a plaque there, because the gates have been named after him, too. So.

 

Wow. I love this story.

 

Thank you. Oh, so I feel very blessed actually. And I feel every time I start a garden, I find a new plan. I sort of look up to the sky, and I go, Oh, thanks, Evan, for planning that plan, like 30 years ago, now I'm reaping the benefits of his hard work pretty much.

 

Excellent. So let's move to our age. And what positive change? Have you noticed in experience with this age turning 45 Plus?

 

Um, well, there's a few things. I think when you're younger, you're quite hard on yourself if you make a mistake, and you can be quite embarrassed if you do the wrong thing. Or if you say the wrong thing. And as an adult, I'm much easier with myself and I just will laugh or if I fall over, I think it's funny. Or if I say the wrong thing, I'll like, I don't dwell on it. and think, oh, I should have done it this way, or just much more self accepting. And, and I have learned to be more assertive, I'm naturally quite a peacemaker by nature. And, you know, if someone says, What do you do? I'll say, What do you want to do? So I've learned to actually find out how and how to be more assertive, especially in my marriage relationships. And, and with my children to my daughter's quite um she's got a very strong personality, and we did clash when she was a teenager. I think there's a stage when your daughter's about 13, where they become their own people, and it can be quite hard. Yes, I've learned to be more assertive with her, but she's the hardest person I find to be assertive with for some reason.

 

So what is the biggest challenge at the moment? Related to the age?

 

Yes. So relating to the age? Well, do you know what I think it's getting closer? The knowledge that you're getting closer to dying? Okay, so I found myself in the last few months counting how many years I've got left and thinking of all the things that I want to do before that happens. So just recently, I bought a house at the beach. Now, I've always wanted to live at the beach, but because I'm thinking, Okay, I've got five years I have to until I can move there and I'm thinking well, that only leaves me maybe 20 years that I can actually live there and then you know, that's that's sort of a sobering sort of thought. So when I was young I've sort of always had an extremely sick fear of death. And I remember when I was young, I'd go to my mum's room and I'd say on my Mum, what's going to happen when I die? And I always wanted her to say, you know, there's a heaven or something lovely is going to happen. But she'd always tell me that no, I don't know when there's nothing I can tell you. So never really satisfied my fear. So yeah, anyway, so I think yeah, that's something that makes me feel scared at this age, because you're getting closer to the inevitable, inevitable death. Yeah. And I love life. And I think I don't you know, I don't like the thought of it ending and how can the world go on without me in it?

 

Yeah, I think it's the biggest fear of all, you know, the fear of death.

 

But some people don't seem to care. Like I asked my husband sometimes do you? And he just says, Well, look, you just have to accept that that's just part of life.

 

That doesn't mean that he's not afraid of that. He may just be he has to be brave for you.

 

Oh, my God. I don't know my see my oldest son, Harry. He was always the same as me. He was always scared to death. Where's my daughter members never has ever mentioned it to me. Like, he'd be like I was with my mom. He'd be like, Mom, Mom, what's going to happen when I die? But at that stage, I was religious. And I can say, well, there is a heaven because I did become a Christian for a while, I think because of that fear of death. And I said to Harry, well, there's a heaven and you know, life eternally, and it's going to be beautiful and blissful. But even now, he's a much more spiritual person than the other kids. So at Joshua, I've asked Josh, my youngest son, and he doesn't seem to care about it either. And Hannah is not I believe she she believes in God. So she's not overly concerned about it, either. So I think some people have more of a, of a of a fear of it than others.

 

I think there's some people just think about it more.

 

Yeah, possibly. Possibly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. And yeah, and often I will think about it as I'm going to sleep and it's you know, it's a thing and I think all what's going to happen when I die and you know, all that sort of stuff. So it can keep me awake at night.

 

You can do this like the Queen Elizabeth, you know, to plan your funeral, you will know what exactly will happen. What they do plan a funeral, and they even do rehearsal of the funerals.

 

Yeah, really?

 

Yeah. So you she knows exactly. Minute by Minute what will happen. Even the Prince Philip, when he died, they told during the translation of his funeral ceremony, they were saying like, this piece was planned by Prince Philip himself. So he knew what will happen by minute.

 

Yeah, that would probably be helpful. And I know already, my mum has bought her funeral plot for us. So she's already paid for her whole funeral. And she's, she's very environmentally friendly. So she's bought a, you know, all the environmentally friendly things that she could possibly buy for her funeral. So, which is very nice of her, so we won't have to pay for any of that. But I thinking to so my mum has a real zest for life. Even now. She's nearly 80. And she's still, you know, it swims in the ocean and goes for bike rides, and goes for walks and does folk dancing. And I think, you know, she has that real zest for life. Whereas my husband's mom, at the end of her life, she just wanted to die. She had no desire to leave at all. She came and stayed with us. And she just said, I just want to die. And I'm like, Oh, I couldn't understand. Because I don't think I'll ever have that thought.

 

Yeah, so it's not the final. But so far, what is your greatest accomplishment?

 

Okay, so my greatest accomplishment would be the kids and how amazing they are. And I just think, Well, mine, the beach house financially was a good accomplishment. So we've got a few rental properties, which makes life a lot easier at the moment. Although the interest rates are going up, and that's not great. Anyways, and I'm just, I feel accomplished that I've got a very happy marriage at the moment. It was my first marriage although if I was a different person, it might be different. But because I wasn't very assertive in that marriage, I was very passive. And my husband was very assertive, borderline aggressive. But it was that was the hardest thing I ever did was getting out of that marriage because I had kids and I thought I was ruining their life. And I thought, and I was not happy. I was married for 13 years, and I was not happy for the entire 13 years. So getting out of that marriage was my biggest accomplishment. And having a happy marriage now is also a big accomplishment. Just I feel free in my marriage now. I feel that yeah, he values my opinion. I have freedom. You know, he messaged my feet pretty much most nights. Yeah, he's a real sweet arm. And he's just very, yeah, very loving and kind. Yeah, so it's just nice to be in a nice place where you don't feel like you have to, you know, how are you going to get out of this all the time.

 

And if you could meet your 30-year-old self I'll give her advice, what it would be?

 

Well, it has to do with the gardening because I think if I had a garden 30 years ago, I'd have this amazing garden, I would have planted some more trees so I could get the fruits of it now. Okay, so I think if he if he planted little trees 30 years ago, but I now own my 50s I'd be willing truly, you know, self-sufficient in getting all the native fruits off them. Yeah, I would probably have moved to the beach when I was 30. And I just think probably speaking up for myself a little bit more. Um, last thing I had financially I'd buy some bitcoin and get some Apple shares. And it's interesting, because when my son was telling me the other day, my 24-year-old Harry, he and his friend used to play Xbox, when they were 13. And they had, they had Bitcoins, like multiple Bitcoins that they used to buy things off the computer with. And I'm like, if I hadn't done that, I would have said to him, maybe just soaking up all those Bitcoins for yourself, or when you're a bit older. Yeah.

 

So what advice would you give younger women who will eventually reach this age and undergo age changes? But at the moment, they're young. And in advance, what would you tell them?

 

Well, it's interesting, cuz I, obviously my daughter and I, we spoke about this, and we talked about this question. And, and I feel proud of my daughter, because she's, because you see the young children today, and they're very into not just makeup, but having their lips done and having their eyelashes extended, and having their boobs done and having. And I just think it's really such a waste, in my opinion, to have all of that artificial enhancements. And really, they're not worrying about their personalities, or their spirituality, or their finances or anything like that. It just seems to be so because of Instagram, and social media and all those things that seems to be so focused on image, people are forgetting about the other important things. So I would just say to them, that beauty comes from within, and acts of kindness, make everyone beautiful, and you can't change yourself, but you can change, you can't change others around. You can only change yourself. And I'm not talking about that in a physical way. I'm talking about that in a in a social emotional way. Work with yourself. Yeah. And don't spend so much time on how you look.

 

And you nicely lead it to the next question about the idea of the perfect body image. So where do you think it comes from and what it is for you your perfect body?

 

Yeah. Yeah, okay, so Well, I'd say what I where I think the image comes from is to start off with and I've seen a lot of this at school with the young girls and even at preschool, the little kiddies play like the little girls act as their parents at Play School. And often they will act diet, dieting behaviours, and they'll say to their friends in Hong Kong, oh, I can't eat, they will make me fat. I'm on a diet or whatever. And I think and they're three years old, and they pretending to be on a diet. And I remember when I saw it, I was shocked. And even the other day, we did an activity at school and the girls had to stay in their six class girls, and they had to stay in on the scales. And three of them ended up and I had no idea this would happen. And it really shocked me, but three of them were in the corner crying and I said What's up and she said, I can't believe I'm 50 kilos. And I was like, well, that's okay. And she's like, No, I'm fat. I'm fat. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, so I thought Oh, Jesus, three kings over here crying because I weighed 50 kilos, and I was like, Oh my gosh, these girls are 1211 years old. And I thought that's not okay. And the other thing I thought too recently, a friend of mine she has a teenager and the teenager and her went to the teenager went to a family member and the family member has said to the school Oh, you better stop eating that you're getting fat or to something to that so anyway, this girl has always been very competent and body and she comes home and first thing she does stands on the scales and says Mom I'm going on a diet and mom sister Why are you doing that? She said because this person told me I was getting fat. And obviously this mum is really annoyed at this family member and his rang and said How dare you say that to my daughter but obviously that's where the image you know we that what your parents say to you has such an impact wall and the way they are in themselves to and if they're always going oh my god I got a bomb or you know I can't want this diet or that diet then that's what your role modelling to your kids that you know that's having a fat bums unacceptable or being a little bit overweight is not okay. And then you know, that's what so many anorexia and bulimia is and all those sorts of things.

 

And what it would be for you your perfect body. What do you think it should be?

 

Well, a perfect body would I just think feeling fit and strong is a perfect body and not having pains and aches.

 

I agree. Okay, so what does it mean to you feeling good and looking good and what comes first?

 

Okay, so having confidence makes you feel good? Yeah. And, and this is the other thing I do appreciate about my daughter is that she's a very confident person. I her confidence isn't has nothing to do with the way she looks. And she said to me the other day, she's always annoys me sometimes when you say why don't you go put some makeup on? She because it doesn't matter to her. Yeah. And she's very popular. She's got lots of friends. So I think well, you know, good for her. And you know, she's one of the she's a lot of her friends are having the lip implants and the eyelashes and she's like, I would never do that mom, because she's just, she doesn't, you know? Her confidence does not come from her outer beauty. It comes from inner beauty. And I just think eating healthy and exercising. Yeah, I think feeling good. Yeah. Yeah. And surrounding yourself with positive people that oh, yeah, I got a few. I have asked a few of my friends about this. And like my sister and another girlfriend, Joanna and Jonas, like a lot, but heaps of good photos at home where I look like myself. I don't need you know. And I'm not that's the reason why I'm doing it. But I just think it's interesting. Yeah, I just think it's interesting, too. Yeah, that was Sorry, I keep that. That's a confusing question. I don't have an answer for that one.

 

Okay, let's move to a simple question, what makes you feel the most beautiful

 

swimming in the ocean? And being in the garden or going for a bush or just being in nature makes me feel beautiful.

 

So when you do things you love, it makes you feel good?

 

Yeah, yes, definitely. Yeah.

 

And my last question is, what is your favourite cord about being a woman?

 

Okay, so I did spend a little time looking for this one. And a lot of the women ones were all about being a strong woman and those sorts of quotes, but the ones that resonated with me, was this one was just a quote it didn't have from anyone in particular, but it said, “A good heart keeps you beautiful forever”. And another one was Mother Teresa one, and it said, “Peace begins with a smile”. And then I always think, and I've often will these two things, often when the kids are having issues at school, I remind them of the frozen song, let it go. And so often in me, I have to tell myself to let it go because I can't control everything. So I just think letting things go really helps with anxiety and fears. And the other thing I often will say to the kids at school is just the, you know, the Taylor Swift and just shake it off. You know, like, it's some sometimes you can't, you can't dwell on things forever. You just got to shake these things off and move on. So they would be my inspirational quotes.

 

It's really nice. Thank you, Kim, thank you very much for sharing your story and answering our questions and I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day during the photo shoot. Welcome to the project again.

 

Thank you, Alexandra. I've really enjoyed it so far.

 

If you have an interesting story to share would love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com or visit our website, www. aleksandrawalker.com

 

This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.

 

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