#47 My Body My Story 45 Over 45 - Trin

In this episode, Trin talks about trauma and relationship therapy she specialises in as a psychological therapist. You will also learn 10 FACTS about Trin and what she thinks about perfect body image, positive changes and challenges of 45+ women, what is it for her to feel good and look beautiful, and what advice she would give younger women and 30-year-old self!

 

10 Facts About Trin

(at the time of the project)

1. 49 years old.
2. Trin was born and grew up in Australia, in Wagga Wagga country.
3. Trin lives by herself by the beach, but 100 metres away from the beach
4. Trin’s partner lives in Melbourne. They've been together for two years. They met at the very beginning of COVID in a Tantra workshop, and they have a successful long distance relationship.
5. Trin has been married for 15 years before that. And she left her husband in 2018. So she dived into a new relationship really wishing to be different. Trin really wanted to understand love and relationships this time.
6. Trin is a psychological therapist and she’s got her private practice. She specialises in trauma and relationships. it's somatic based therapy.
7. Trin finished her counselling degree in 2009 and started working in drug and alcohol as a drug and alcohol counsellor. Her first job was in a drug and alcohol rehab facility with women.
8. Trin has been practising meditation for 25 years, and it's through one particular teacher, and she hasn't changed it. And through that, meditation school, Trin also learned a meditation based therapy.
9. Trin’s greatest accomplishment – “I'd definitely just say it was my 15-year journey of getting finally into private practice. That was my goal, right from 2006.”
10. Positive change with age – “I feel so much more. I feel really comfortable in myself.”

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT

(auto-generated)

Hi, you're listening to the mind body and my story podcast.

 

So just compassionate towards myself just really, very, I have pretty low self esteem. And so just really having to learn compassion, I think.

 

This is the 45 or 45 chapter where we celebrate rule breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show that sensuality, beauty, soul and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and will listen to the stories of our participants. If you have an interesting story to share, we would love you to participate, you can email us on info@aleksandrawalker.com or visit our website, www. aleksandrawalker.com

 

Hi, Trin and Welcome to our studio and welcome to our project. And while you're sitting in the makeup chair, and Nicole is doing makeup for you, I'll be asking you a few questions. Tell us a bit about yourself.

 

Ah, where do I start? Well, I Well, I live by myself by the beach, but 100 meters away from the beach. Really lovely. And my partner lives in Melbourne. So we've been together for two years. And we have an.. I'd say a successful long-distance relationship has its challenges. But he's got two teenage daughters who live down there. So we both got very independent lives. So a very, it works really, really well. So we see each other probably once a month or once every couple of weeks or somethingelse.

 

My question would be How did you manage during the lockdown?

 

I know we were a COVID relationship we met at the very beginning of like, the very first outbreak, the very first COVID lockdown week, that's the week that we met, we had to race apart to go to our homes. And because we've been in a Tantra workshop together for a week. Oh, wow. I know. And that's how we met basically. And so it was everything was locking down. Everyone was buying tins of tomato and bread. And yeah, so we parted and then yeah, we were, yeah, we managed to survive. There were ways we were being able to cross the border, because Victorian New South Wales had border openings for a long time. And then there were other ways that like, because he came across as an essential worker at one point as well. So that worked. And we always found ways so we would still be able to see each other and probably the longest we've been apart would be about two, three months. But we you know, we talk every day on Skype

 

Oh, that's not too long, because I've been apart with my husband for nine months. Oh, wow. When it happens, so he stuck it WA. He could get out. But then he couldn't go back to work.

 

Oh, wow. Yeah, nine months is a lot longer that you definitely I think survives. Sorry, we survived. Oh, gosh, yeah, we've been together for a long time. Where's my Simon and I we only just met. So but we would spend long periods with together which was very interesting as well. So it was like we just met and then we'd have to we'd spend all these like, weeks together. So it was a very interesting beginning. So we've had a very interesting relationship. Yeah, because I think I've been married for 15 years before that. And I left my husband in 2018. So yeah, that was challenging. And yeah, so I met my partner Simon, two years after. And yeah, it's been beautiful. It's been a real big journey of learning and really, really understanding relationships and love. Like I think I never really got it when I was married. And I dived into a new relationship going, I really want to be different. I really want to understand love and relationships this time. So it's been a really massive, transformational journey, this particular relationship.

 

So what do you think changed? What was the biggest difference,

 

I did not want to repeat what I did in my marriage. And it was really, really, it was a really, really difficult decision to end my marriage because I was really, we loved each other, we're really good friends. And, but I was deeply unhappy inside. And I knew I had to do something drastic to change it. And we were both unhappy. And so… I'm gonna cry in a minute. But I had to do something really drastic to make to end the relationship to marry to really find happiness. And I am I can honestly say, it was a good decision just based on we were trapped in our we were locked in our emotional patterns that we didn't even know we could change. And so I was determined not to have that happen again.

 

So how old you were when you decided to divorce?

 

Ah, how old am I now? I'm 49. Now, so 46.

 

So, after 45 It's the change. Important decisions usually comes after 45?

 

Yeah, you're probably hearing all of that reach 45. And you're like, right. Well, I didn't want to die unhappy person.

 

I think that's where we start thinking, Okay, we don't have much time left in our prime age…

 

Oh, absolutely. Exactly. I had all these attractions to all these other males and all these possibilities. And I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm coming to the end of my era. I don't want to lose it. Exactly. And to be honest, I've actually discovered sexuality. Like, in my 40s, my late 40s. I can't as I said, I met my current partner in a Tantra. It was a week long Tantra festival. I've gotten gone to a few since ending my relationship because I just wanted to explore that area and just really understand sexuality. So I feel like I've just completely opened up a whole world of that I never had before. I think I lived a very conservative life before that. And so that really opened my eyes and totally changed me.

 

Were you born in Australia?

 

Yeah, I was born in Wagga Wagga country.

 

Is it near the Hunter Valley?

 

No, its down towards Canberra way. In between Wagga and Melbourne. Actually, that's where we met. I have not met we've made up halfway. No, we will stay in Wagga Wagga, which is quite funny, which is where I was born and grew up.

 

And what do you do in life?

 

So yeah, I'm a psychological therapists.

 

Oh, wow.

 

So and I, so transformation is my thing. And so I, I walk the talk, talk, the walk, I walk the talk. And so all the things that I have, really. So this is where my passion comes in.

 

Yes, it is the question, what are you most passionate about?

 

Yeah, absolutely. Transformation, consciousness and psychology and helping others to transform. So yeah, I've been practising meditation for 25 years. And, and it's through one particular teacher, and I haven't changed it. And through that, meditation school, I also learned a meditation based therapy. And that's what sent me on my journey.

 

So you have your own business, your private practice. So if someone wants to find you where they can find you?

 

Yeah. So people come to see me through. They get referrals through GPS and under a mental health care plan. So yeah, I've been practising in this field for like 15 years, it was 15 year journey to get to finally get into my private practice.

 

09:33

Oh, yes, I can understand it. Yeah.

 

And I'm finally here. Yes. In the last two years of it all happened at once I met my new partner and I got my private practice running and in but I'd been working in lots of organisations before that. And so I specialise in trauma and relationships. Yeah, I'm because it's been such a massive journey, and I've done so much research and I've been I get into all my sessions with all my clients as well we've done relationship therapy.

 

So the main subject of your clients or patients come to you is about the relation.

 

Now most what's the most people come to see me for whatever concerns they have, which might be anxiety, depression, relationships, any mental health condition, but I see absolutely everything through a trauma lens. So I work at a level of trauma, regardless of if it was just something small, where they fell over and hurt their knee or, you know, right through two major traumas I work with and I use a particular style of therapy that's it works for every condition that comes through the door. So it's somatic based I don't know if you've heard of somatic, somatic experiencing. Its somatic means body. Traditional styles used to be just talk therapy, just talking from the head. But to really transform emotional blockages. It's really body based. And then it's using the brain, the mind as well. So you may not know you may, I might be teaching you stuff you already know

 

Yes, my first Masters is Psychology.

 

Yeah. So I've just I've Well, I was trained in all the mind based, you know, CBT, and all those styles of therapy that work with changing the mind. But I've done it. I've switched now to body based and so working with the body changes the brain. Yeah. Even though Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And so this style of therapy I'm working with, I've just up to advanced level is called somatic experiencing. And it's this. Peter Levine was the man who wrote this book called waking the tiger. Yeah, kind of well known. Yeah. So I'm trained in that. And I am just an absolute convert, I just absolutely amazed with the effects because I have to actually have the therapy myself. And so I've changed just by in the training and just having because you have to, as I said, you have to undertake it. So it's very profound. So

 

yeah, I think it's the hardest thing is to learn to understand your body and body signals. And it's like nobody teach us, our generation how to do it. So and I think the result of that is all that cancers and other illnesses and depression.

 

Yeah, absolutely. All these body, a lot of people have immune disorders because of trauma. And so when someone comes through, and they're saying, I've got immune disorders, I mean, have you experienced any trauma trauma in your life? And they Yes, absolutely. There's always been some domestic violence or sexual assault or something. So I generally work a lot with domestic violence, sexual assault, and relationships.

 

But I think the hardest case and where you didn't experience any visible trauma or any obvious trauma like that, and you think that everything was okay with you, and then we go start going through the therapy and you discovering that there were some events, you know, which looks not that traumatic from the first side, but they appear to be the cause of all your problems.

 

Absolutely. Yeah. And you'll start to see all your coping mechanisms, basically. And that and they turn out to be unhealthy coping mechanisms. So, but they worked, they worked.

 

So, it was your speciality from the beginning?

 

Trauma was always my first job. When I finished my counselling degree in 2009. was, well actually I started working in drug and alcohol is a drug and alcohol counsellor, or your ID counsellor, alcohol and other drug violence. Yeah, and I loved it. And I My first job was in a drug and alcohol rehab facility, and a residential with women. And so I became absolutely yeah, it was like, That's my 15 year journey right there is like I went right I want to work in trauma, and specialise in trauma. And because I just saw the effects.

 

So everyone knows that with age we change but what positive changes have you experience so far?

 

So far? I feel so much more. I just feel so deeply happy and myself like and I don't know if it's because of the work I've done on myself or whether it's probably both. So I feel much more. I feel really comfortable in myself and was talking to my friend yesterday and she was having some challenges and, and she said she was going through a period and she's feeling like unstable or just really like in a real transition phase. And my other friend was saying, Yeah, me too. It must be everyone. I said, No, I feel like a rock right now. I've never felt like so much like a rock ever in my life. And yeah, and I get so it's like, I feel all these changes I've made like ending my marriage. getting's finally, in my private practice, which was like these, there were like, 15-20 year projects. Yeah, I feel like I'm finally through the heart real hard, hard, like hard, hard. A lot of facing challenging things. And real sadness. And yeah, I mean, I've had depression and everything like that in my past life. So feel like yeah, I've put the hard yards in. And now I can finally say, I'm actually happy.

 

And what is the biggest challenge at the moment?

 

Oh, at the moment, believe it or not, I broke my tooth. And now gotta go and have an implant. And I think that happens when you get

 

you started falling apart

 

I've had an implant before when you think that's my biggest challenge? I do. I feel like everything else. I'm kind of embracing along the way. And like, if no one likes me for my wrinkles, or my body or my shape or my whatever. I've gone through enough that I'm a very happy to be.

 

You don't worry about that

 

Even if my partner my partner was easy. I'm like, Well, you know, I feel about I'm very happy to be

 

where do you think this idea of perfect body image comes from?

 

 

To be honest. A lot. I think it comes from obviously media, movies, men. Porn. I've had clients come to me and they want to be like, they feel in competition with porn, like, these are young girls. And I want to like I can't compete with these porn stars. Like why did these anyway. And social media I don't know if you've heard about the, the social media, which is what they call it. Phenomenon how after the COVID and everyone's moved to zoom. And online. There became a huge influx of people getting work done on their faces and teeth done and everything because we spend 80% looking at ourselves.

 

Oh my god, I haven't heard of that

 

I turned my video off now. I can't stand it because I'm so distracted at seeing myself it's that kind of psychological curiosity. It's like well, what do I look like? How do I look? You know? But you spent it's really distracting. So people started becoming quite Yeah, obsessed with themselves and it is again obsessed but curious and then they start judging and yes, my dentist actually told me that they got an influx of people coming to get their teeth worked on. So but I've actually heard outside of that about the 80% of distraction of looking at yourself in things so yeah,

 

But I found social I find the positive side of that phenomenon, that you make an effort if you don't go too far away, because me as a photographer, I had I photographed many women and of course my lens sees more than human eyes so I can see all the plastic surgery scars and everything. And sometimes I wonder why the young girls they needed which you know, they look perfect as they know. But on the other hand, you know, just the positive side of looking at yourself and thinking oh, I should probably like good my hair up you know, do not go over the top. But yeah, I look after myself as well because I'm on the camera I'm communicating. Because when I'm sitting like this, I don't see myself but when I see myself on the screen I'm thinking, maybe it's time to go and do my hair or something like that, you know?

 

Well, I am. Well, I'm one of those people. I got my teeth fixed up. Because wasn't you made a huge one I was thinking to do you call it crowns across.

 

You just suddenly see how other people see you like, yeah, visually

 

Yeah, totally. No, this is different on a camera versus what you're seeing. I don't know what it is. But I always feel it's different. When you look through a photo versus what you see in the mirror. It’s different.

 

Because you can zoom in, and with the human eye, you don't come that close to human skin, and you don't see all the faults, but what women do they go to the zoom mirror, you know, like magnify, and then they look at themselves. And of course, they will find a lot of things, you know, but human eye you don't see that. So basically, with this magnifying mirror, you see what photographer sees, you know, when they zoom the picture, but when I retouch for example, I always retouch to the extent of a human eye. So that if human eye cannot see that I will remove this spot. That's therule.

 

Yeah. Okay. Got it. That's interesting.

 

It's interesting you mentioned that Zoom phenomenon. So where? What does it mean for you to feel good and look good? What comes first?

 

Yeah, you know, it's really funny. I want it to be all special thing. Oh, no. When I, it's, you know, to feel good liquid. I usually feel good when I've done internal things I've eaten well, I've gone and done exercise, I swim. But I actually, you know, I do like to dress up and I do like to make myself look good. And I just sometimes feel like, be good to see how someone else could do it for me, or it's just kind of why I'm here. You Yeah. So I do have that little feign aspect

 

which is totally normal. We all have otherwise we wouldn't be women.

 

Yeah, well, I've had to teach my partner how to dress like he just does drabby colours and brings his you know, colour down and I've really changed his style. And because I can't even sit on the couch and not look like I can't might not have makeup on but I know that what I got. No, this is really bizarre, isn't it? Please note that it looks okay. If someone came around I wouldn't be a shame not that I'm dressed up or anything. It's just I don't know what it is. What is that? Anyway,

 

I think I'm not looking after yourself as

 

like proud being proud of like, who's died or something?

 

Who said that - dress like.. imagine that you hit by the car and

 

the police and the ambulance come in.

 

Yeah. And how do you want to look so they discover you underwear

 

okay, I've got stained Ugg boots.

 

Actually, somebody was asking me, I love lingerie, and someone's like, why are you wearing it? Nobody sees it. And I know that its underneath and I feel more confident

 

yeah, I've had clients who've gone and put them favourite underway to make them feel confident during the days like, okay, cool. If that's what you need, then. Absolutely.

 

And what makes you feel the most beautiful?

 

Yeah, I will. Absolutely. And to be honest, when I'm shining on the inside, that's when I feel the most beautiful when I'm feeling content and but then also, ya know, that's a really it's kind of a different difficult question for me. I don't know why but I feel like it's Yeah, I feel like when I'm actually really deeply happy in myself and also you know, I feel like that that matches something outside like my partner actually said to me, you've gotten more beautiful as you've gotten older and I wonder if that's because I've changed Yeah, inside myself and. And out, you know, I was never really deeply happy. So kind of feel like now I'm starting to bring out what I feel is in on the inside. I don't know maybe a bit vain saying that, I think I think feel a bit embarrassed but, you know, I've never really thought of it. But that's my partner said,

 

I think he's right. Because, again, from the photographer perspective, when I photograph people, and the more they relax, the more beautiful they look in the, in the picture. So and you cannot do anything like once the strain, you know or not relax, you know, I need to wait, I need to wait until the muscles will relax, you know, it's all to do with body language as well. So, and once they relaxed immediately you get very beautiful pictures because it's genuine smile. It's not made up it is genuine. And if you said with ah, you feel more comfortable within yourself, then obviously you start looking better.

 

Yeah. Well, I think you know, your eyes start to, I mean, I'm not saying about me, but people's eyes would shine more. And I don't know, it just something lifts in their spirits. So something would lift in there, you know, just outside as well, somehow.

 

And what would you say you were your greatest accomplishment?

 

I'd definitely just say it was my 15-year journey of getting finally into private practice. That was my goal, right from 2006. Like, I could see my end journey and goal, and I knew it was gonna be a long journey of making real strategic steps of getting there and choosing that organise that organisation or doing that, doing that, doing that, doing that. And, yeah, and so I feel very proud of myself to finally be here.

 

And if you could go back in time and meet your 30-year-old self, what advice would you give her?

 

Gosh, you know, already, that was a hard one was like, be kind to myself, I always cry. And I think that I was so harsh on myself. And hopefully this is waterproof. I was so dis-compassionate towards myself just really, very, I had pretty low self esteem my thing. And so just really having to learn compassion, I think would have been the best thing I could have ever done for myself. But I think that was just part of the journey. It was. I don't think even if I went back, I mean, because you know, to be compassionate. But even if I back, went back and told myself, I probably still wouldn't understand it, you know? Took the journey to get there. Does that make sense?

 

Yep. And what would you say to other women who will who are younger and eventually will reach this age? What advice would you give them or say to them?

 

Yeah. I think the same that I would give myself be just very competitors don't do Yeah, just make sure you live in accordance with what you want in alignment with your truth. And finding your truth first, and living by that not by society, not by society's expectations. I think that that was a big influence around me growing up, so you know, not having to live by what society predicts on to us or expects.

 

The question is how to find yourself.

 

exactly that's the thing. Yeah, yeah. So it's easier said than done.

 

And my last question and my favourite one. Do you have any favourite quotes or saying about being a woman?

 

The one that I keep thinking about is this. I don't know, I just saw it on a Facebook meme a long time ago with somebody coming sliding into the grave when you die you're gonna come sliding in with a glass of champagne and one hand and chocolate and the other and say what a ride

 { “Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
“WOO HOO what a ride!” – editor }

not really like and not having to worry about Yeah, it's about the journey. Something like that. Journey. Yeah,

 

enjoy your journey

 

and just come sliding in sideways with a glass of champagne in one hand and chocolate and the other. One arrived I don't drink or anything but anyway, I still like that saying.

 

Excellent. Thank you trim. Thank you very much for sharing you and joining our project. I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day and the photo shoot. Thank you Welcome again to the project.

 

Thanks so much.

 

If you have an interesting story to share would love for you to participate. You can email us on info@aleksandrawalker.com or visit our website, www. aleksandrawalker.com

This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.

 

For more information about the project visit:

https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45

 

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