#26 My Body My Story 45 Over 45 - Lilly

In this episode, Lilly talks about the prominent issue of loneliness in today’s young generation which leads to depression, drug use, and other mental health issues. She also thinks that social media plays a big role in creating an unrealistic picture that is hard to keep up with, leading to dissatisfaction with what the young generation has.

Lilly also says that at her 45, she is young enough and old enough. She achieved a lot in her life - Mother of 4 adult kids, she traveled the world and had successful businesses, and now is looking for her new directions to do something she would really enjoy.

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) : 

Hi, you are listening to My Body My Story podcast,

Always put yourself as priority. No one really, really. You know, you have to put yourself first.

This is the 45 or 45 chapter where we celebrate rule breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show that sensuality, beauty, soul and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and will listen to the stories of our participants. If you have an interesting story to share, we would love you to participate, you can email us on info@aleksandrawalker.com or visit our website, www. aleksandrawalker.com

Hi, Lily, welcome to our studio, and welcome to our podcast and tell us a bit about yourself.

All right, I'm 45. I've got four children, was born in Australia, went to uni he studied He then got married, lived in Lebanon for about six years and started up my own business there. I ended up with four beauty clinics over there. And then about four years ago now five years ago, I've come back to Australia.

And my children, range from the age of 23 two boys, Adrian and Jordan 23, 21. And I have Jasmine. She's 19. And she's Angelique. Who's 15. Almost. Um, yeah, and just recently, with COVID, I started up some new business, but um, then closed down because of COVID. And now just trying to find when you direction, I guess 45 What do I do? Really Sure. I'm very lucky in life. I've been blessed. I've travelled a lot. I've got a great family. I've got great kids. So it's now just try and find that new chapter. Where do I go? You know, what do I really want to do? What do I really enjoy doing? Not? What do I have to do? Because I don't have to do anything anymore? I really don't I've, I've accomplished so much in that. I'm going to say in a short period of time that now I find myself at 45. What is my next couple of steps, you know, really young enough and old enough to do what I want.

And so, what are you most passionate about?

Family fashion, lifestyle. I think some of the things I'm passionate about… helping people I love.

I love to get that satisfaction when I make somebody feel beautiful and look beautiful tree whether it's male or female, like I've helped so many people in, in my past, you know, change they'd look make help them feel better about themselves. You know, some people need that little bit of everyone always said to me, you should be a stylist or you know, someone that helps people change their looks to feel more confident and beautiful. But, you know, I just think I'm too old to do that stuff. I don't know like, I just feel at my age near after everything I've been through, I was supposed to like wind down not like you know, start a new big chapter. Yeah, starting a new business for me is a big chapter. You know, like that's a that's a big thing. You know, I've done that, I've started businesses have worked have had our own businesses. I just want something to help me wind down not start up a new thing. That makes sense.

Yeah, sure. But can you describe your greatest accomplishment?

Definitely my work.. well look… I did all the accounts work for my husband has been on my four kids, right so… We started lots of great businesses together. So I've my four kids, bringing them up and that would be my greatest accomplishment I guess because it's such good kids in a very work ethical. They're just good kids, you know. So that would be my greatest accomplishment. And starting up a couple of new businesses in my life and then being very successful that that would be also another accomplishment.

You mentioned that you're this age you too old.

I shouldn't say I'm too old.

I don't believe in that. But we all know that with age we change. But what positive changes? Have you experienced at this age?

Okay, for me, the positives would be I'm young enough, I'm still I am.. I'm old enough and young enough. And I've seen so much in my lifetime that I can sort of help other people with direction, I guess, you know, like, a lot of people are confused. At my age, I get a lot of people that are confused, you know, I'm able to give them a lot of, because I've been married, I've had kids, I've done a lot. I say I'm old, but I'm not really all, we are still so young. But I feel like sometimes when I talk to other people, the amount of things that have gone through in my life. I feel like I'm old. That's all. That's the positive. The negative is like, our digestion and our bodies how they change. And, you know, obviously, we can't eat the things we used to, you know, our body doesn't adjust. You know, there's a lot of things like exercising, I can exercise the same way, you know? Yeah, I just start to make noises, lots of different noises.

So would you say that this is your biggest challenge with age?

Definitely, definitely the things I can eat, my body metabolism, all those things? They're the biggest challenges I have.

What advice would you give your 30 year old self, if you could go back and meet yourself in your 30s?

my 30 year old self…  You live only once…do what you want, when you want. You know, I have that philosophy. I've always used it. Leave for today, but thing for tomorrow. So you do all the things you want to do in that day and happiness, you know, happiness is hard to find. So just make sure you're happy all the time. And, but think for tomorrow. So like, if you leave for tomorrow, make sure you don't live with regrets. There's no regrets, you know, just do draw the boundary, like have a boundary I guess, for yourself, so that when you wake up the next day, you're not regretting what happened the day before and be happy. You know, tears are priceless you know, don't waste them when people are not worthy. And go with your gut instinct. Always go with your gut instinct. You know, I think, you know, my gut instincts were always right. And I think back, you know, to a lot of the decisions I'd made even though sometimes I went against my gut instinct. I always thought to myself, my gut instinct was right. You know? And even to now even though sometimes I find it, I think, can't be possible. There aren't that many evil people out there. It can't, they can't be planning this. And it my gut instinct was right. You know, it was always damn right.

Do you feel it's more developed with age? The this instinct, or you always had it?

Oh, look, you know, I always had a good gut instinct, there was so many people I met in my lifetime. That now I think to myself, my gut instinct was right. You know, people, we've done business with people who've done the wrong thing by you, friends, even personal friends. I always had a bad feeling about them. And you know, and I tried to fight it, thinking, you know, you know, just give him the benefit of the doubt. And I was I find out in the end that I was right. I was just always right. And I hate to say it because, you know, maybe my decisions, you know, like decisions you make in your, in your time could change the path that you take every decision, you know, there are so many decisions I've made. I thought if I had taken a different path, you know, I could be in a different place. But you know, you live to tell this story. I guess it's a good thing. And I lived and learned from those. But gut instinct is so when that when your belly grumbles in the wrong way. just listened to just listen to it. Yeah, that's what I would tell my old self at 30.

And what advice would you give to younger women who will eventually reach this age and undergo this changes?

Always put yourself as priority? No one really, really? You know, you have to put yourself first I, I used to always, you know, when my kids were young, I used to always go to the gym, and you know, eat well. And, you know, I had a lot of people, family, close family, friends and people, you know, why you go to the gym for you know, why would you go to the gym or put your kids in daycare? You know, you're married now, you know, you're married now, like, and like, you know, I need that for me for not not just for physical, it's for mental. You know, I always used to say to all of my, all of my friends that were married newlyweds that, put yourself first stay healthy exercise, you know, and my family, not my immediate family, but, you know, my ex husband's family, and a lot of them, they were like, she goes to kids at the crash, she goes to the gym, you know, like, what a mom, you know, like, but, you know, sanity it was it was to buy my own sanity, you know, especially after having four kids staying sane was so important. You know, if I'm happy and I'm healthy, my kids are happy and healthy. You can't be a good mom can't be a good partner. You can't be a good person. If you're not mentally and physically sane, you know, exercising his I say always exercise music. And I'll tell you what, a good glass of scotch fixed every problem I had, always. Put on the music for, you know, a good, good glass of scotch always fixed every problem I had. So it was the only way I kept saying after all those years. But yeah, I mean, I know we don't recommend drinking, but sometimes does a glass of wine or whatever it may be, does help.

And time for yourself

..and time for you. It's really a timeout. Yeah. So when you exercise, you know, that your timeout, whether you read your book, or go for a walk, or you go to the gym, whatever it is, but yeah, keeping sane it's so important, mentally saying.

So you mentioned that it's important to exercise. So but where do you think the idea of perfect body image comes from?

Look, we're all different in size and shape. So what's good for me isn't necessarily good for someone else. Perfect body, there's no such thing. You know, I mean, I think if you're if you just eat right, and you exercise and you feel great, then that's the perfect body. You know, I mean, we can't all be size 8, trust me, I've tried. You know. There's no such thing as a putt. But you've just got to, you know, I guess what really does help. I think with any body shape, it's knowing how to dress for that body shape. That's I think key important. You know, I mean, we're not all size eights. And unfortunately, you know, with age, we put on kilos, and it goes in places we don't really want it to be. But I've got a lot of friends with different size bodies. But if you can dress if you can find the right dress to suit your body shape, or the right style. You know?

This is stylists talking in you..

Yeah. You know, like, I've helped so many of my girlfriends, not that they really needed it or, but, you know, there was things that would suit the moon, you know, and without being rude. You know, I would change it up for them. Take them, you know, I'll say I'll meet you even I was busy. I've got my I've got four kids, I've got to meet them I'll take I'll help you find something that would suit the body shape because unfortunately, we can't all wear Minnie and you know, whether we don't have the legs for we don't have the we can't all sometimes after kids are breast change. We can't all wear those new low little shirts and we just, it's not gonna work. So you just got to find the right outfit to suit your body and then perfect body and then when you're happy with yourself, then that's the perfect body.

But who do you think creates this urge to be perfect?

Well, social media as big part to play with all those things. I mean, we're all a victim of it, you know, myself, you know, like I've, like I've said, I've always wanted to be a size eight, I've always wanted to have small breasts, you know, God blessed me with big breasts and, and something I didn't want, you know, now my daughter is a Double D. And I feel so bad for them, because, you know, there's certain tops, they can't wear, there's always, there's always a drama, you know, like, outfits you can buy because of, you know, your size 12 up here, but your size 10 down here, dresses don't sit right on you, you know, so.

But social media is plays a big part of what we what we think is a perfect body. At the end of the day, a perfect body is what makes you happy that my daughter is even though there is sighs DD in the top, they happy, you know, this too, they've made it work for them, you know, and I've told them, You need to take the good with the bad. You know, you're fortunate, you know, people would love to have DD breasts. But unfortunate at the same time, you know, these women that don't have large breasts don't realise that with DD comes along with neck pain, back pain, lower back pain, you know, especially and then later on when they have kids, you know, the extra drama of extra extra large, you know, and so there's all these other things that come alongside with the, the big breasts, you know, wow, you go, and she gets those comments all the time from all her girlfriends, they don't realise the things that they have to put up with - the pain. You know, my my daughter's now I have to buy them, you know, braces all the time, because they can't sit on a laptop without slouching. You know that that extra weight in the front?

So perfect body to be question, there's no such thing I don't think I think as long as you're happy in your own skin, you know, I mean, exercising, eating right, stay mentally, that will give you that complete package. You know, eating right is super important. I always teach my kids to eat right. Because when you eat right, you feel better in metabolomes, where you exercising and it just sort of gives you that tightness that you know, for your health, you know, I teach them all the time, you know, exercise exercise, like a mom, we don't want to exercise because just mentally you know, like, it's all part of that mental part.

That's true. So what does it mean to you feeling good and looking good? What comes first?

Well, for me feeling first, feeling good, is definitely more important. When I feel good, I look good. If I don't feel good, there is no way on earth put on all the makeup in the world, put the most glamorous dress on me, worth $10 million. Give me you know, whatever you need, if I don't feel good, there is no way I look good. Mental sanity is key. When I'm in a good place mentally, I just radiate. And everyone's in. And people say that to you all the time. And I know that when my when my kids are, you know, stressed. You know, they look stressed, they look unhappy. There's nothing I can buy them, there's no way I can take them. That will make them feel better. It's you know, you have to feel good. If you want to look good. You have to you have to feel good.

So what makes you feel the most beautiful?

For me seeing people around me happy and that the good energy, the good energy, having people around, surrounding people surrounding myself with good people and good energy. And what makes me feel the most beautiful? You know, having good people around me. Good music, a glass of champagne. Maybe even a day at the beauty spa. Good. Even a day like today is great. This makes you feel good. Somebody's doing some doing my hair and makeup. Oh wow. Yeah, I think everyone loves that.

 What is your favourite quote about being a woman?

Oh, well, I have a quite a few quotes. “The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd”. So yeah, that's a real good one. Like, I've always been a person that stand that doesn't stand out. Like in beauty but for some reason. I don't follow. I have always been that person that, you know, if you're everyone's wearing why I'm going to wear the black, you know? I've got my own way of doing things. And yeah, just that's one of them.

And the other one would be, “Why be the richest bitch in the graveyard, wear the shoes you want”. So, um, you know, there's no point in saving, take my money with me to the grave, I'm gonna live the life I want live love life. You know, my kids after I separated from my husband, and, you know, I did a lot of travel, you know, and my kids would always say, you know, you've wasted your money, you're wasting money, you know, travel. That's all I want to live. You know, like, I've had, I've got married early. I had my kids early. I think I've done my duties as a mother. And I think I deserve to travel, and buy whatever I want and do whatever I want. Whenever I want to do it. I I'm not, you know. I'm not gonna save it. I don't want to die rich woman. I want to die happy woman. Yeah. Yeah, so I guess they're my two favourite. Two favourite quotes, I guess. You know, my mom now, um, my mom and dad used to have a lot of little quotes they used to say, as children, as we were, when we were children. And now I try and remember them as I go through life. And God, we learn a lot from our parents, those old sayings that they used to make when we were little. Now they sort of come back at home. And I think Oh, my mom used to say that. Yeah, I should have, I should have listened to my mom, I should have just listened to my mom.

But we always want to do our own mistakes first. Yeah, remember? Oh, she Yes. She said that.

I know, I know, I guess it's part of learning. It's part of learning. I mean, living abroad, meeting all the people I've met, and I've got to say, I've been so lucky in my life. I sort of just, and I know, I know, this is my energy, I just if I, anywhere I go, and everywhere I go, I always seem to me, really great people, not good people, great people. And people say it to me all the time all the time, somehow, someway. If, if you know, there was someone I could learn a couple of things from in a room. By the end of that night, I'd be sitting next to them, and having a deep, deep conversation and learning stuff from them. Definitely. I don't know how I do it. But I have a way of doing that. And, and for me learning from all the people who've experienced things and seen more than me, and you know, whether it's in business or it's in life, I love to learn from them. You know, I love to learn from all the people who have seen it all. I've met, you know, multimillionaires that have created wealth out of nothing, you know, people who've gone bankrupt a couple of times and been able to pick up their lives again and do it all over again. And you know, when you travel, you know, even in Dubai, you know, being in Dubai a couple of times I've been to, you know, I've been all around the world. I've travelled so much. I've met so many interesting characters. And I've learned so much from them. And somehow, someway, I always seem to meet these people. And I think I'm so lucky, like, the people I've met in my life have taught me so much. And then my kids taught me a lot to do that still teaching you today.

Oh, yes. Oh, they are our greatest teachers.

They are our greatest teachers, you know, and I think I'm so lucky to have them. You know, you know, I've got my son, one of my son's struggles with, you know, mental health like issues, you know, a little bit of depression. He‘s been my biggest challenge for the last couple of years. Because, you know, you think they've got no reason to be depressed. They've got world is their Oster, they're young, they’ve got work, they've got a home over their head. They've got, they've got everything you know, and they've got, you know this they've got space to grow and fly. But yet, there are things that are holding them down and trying to overcome that is huge. If, if I was to ever be a millionaire again, or a billionaire again, my focus would be on helping young people with mental health issues, you know, it's so difficult. I think for a lot of people. Their biggest downside is loneliness, you know, people who struggle with mental health. One of the things I find is that they also lonely. You know, they are lonely, like, a lot of the young people I meet now, through work or different avenues. They're on their own, they're studying, they have their family that, you know, they're just lonely. And that's what's leading them to depression and drugs and, you know, hanging out with the wrong people.

And but why do you think this happens? They'd like your kids were born here, obviously. So they have friends here, or they didn't move to the country?

He will they moved overseas with me. And I think for them, even though my eldest, he's super good looking, you know. And he went with me to Beirut, in Lebanon. And, you know, he was the king of the crop, they, you know, he was dating that the most beautiful chick in the school and had it all going for him. I don't know, you know, I think. But, you know, my son, I can't say he was lonely. I mean, I don't know, I always try and work out what happened there, why is he struggling with with depression? And unfortunately, the sometimes you just can't work it out. You really just can't work it out. What what happened? What, what did I do wrong? What Where did I go wrong? Hopefully, I finally there's light at the end of the tunnel. And, and that's my eldest. So the other three…You know, sometimes I know, it's, you know, social media is, is real big problem. Social media is a huge problem with our young kids, because it doesn't matter what they've got, or how much they've got, they see people with more, you know, and like I said, you know, the thin this, the that, you know, and they just, they just feel like they're falling behind. But they know, you know, that social media, you know, like in Dubai, the things you see there, how can you ever keep up with that? I'll be very blessed. You know, I mean, financially, you know, family, what? And even sometimes when I look on my Instagram, and I just think how, how can you keep up with these people? Like, it's just, it's impossible.

But it's all most of them are just a picture. It's not a real life.

The thing is, we as grown humans, adults, we see that, and we think, Okay, well, geez, let us just turn this off. Because there's no way of us, there's no way keeping up with all of that, you know, the gold cars and all of this. And, you know, these little, you know, beautiful cheeks.., you know, you see writing Oh, man. Well, what's the point? You know, if I could turn back time, but and then you see our kids looking at that, and they just, if I'm finding it…, you know, and I'm in a good place. How are they supposed to see that? You know..

I think that it's good. You can turn it into good side by giving yourself a motivation to grow, maybe not trying to get exactly the same, but to see the direction where you want to move, like, because what I heard, like envy sometimes can be a good feeling, because it just tells you what you want, and it makes you move, you know, it's from the good side. Of course, if it affects you badly, then you start being depressed. Yes, it depends how you take it.

Yeah, I will say this is the thing, anything you could read, you know, you can read 1000 quotes, some of them relate to you, and you like it, some of them don't relate to you. A lot of the ones that don't relate to you might relate to somebody else. That just depends how you're feeling. But that's what I'm, I mean, you know, if I'm in like, I look at my social media, you know, my all my social media, things follow fashion and luxuries, and, you know, that's what I've always loved.

I love beauty, everything beautiful, you know? You know I can if I see a beautiful female or a beautiful man pass, or just like, Wow, how beautiful is she? You know, like, I'll just sit and be mesmerised by her. I love everything beautiful. But, um, some people might look at her and say, What a damn bitch, you know. So everybody sees things in a different light. I don't know. It's hard. It's hard. I feel sorry for some of these young kids. I really do feel sorry for young kids. They have so many more challenges than us as girls as children growing up, we will happy to play in the backyard. And now, you know, in social media at a young age, the good news so I know I remember my youngest daughter, Angelique. We had the iPad for her when she was so young. And I used to take her with me into work. When she was in work, I used to give her the iPad. And she used to I used to buy those books for her. The you know, the the auto books where they just read them size to put her in the chair, give her the iPad, and she'd sit there with her little headphones on and listen to the books. And then one day, she's just talking to me jebrish and who I'm looking to, you know, I talked to her in English or in Arabic, or she'd come to me with something else, and I'm thinking What the hell's happening like, you know, do I need to get my daughter checked out? You know, like, she's not. Then I find out she's, she's actually the books were downloading them, but they were in Japanese. So she's listening to the books in Japanese. One year later, I didn't even realise that she's learning Japanese.

Oh, man.

Yeah, that's great. Thank you, Lily. Thank you for coming to the studio today. Pleasure, sharing your wisdom and experience.

 

If you have an interesting story to share would love for you to participate. You can email us on info@aleksandrawalker.com or visit our website, www. aleksandrawalker.com

This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.

 

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