#24 My Body My Story 45 Over 45 - Linda

In this episode, Linda talks about her biggest positive change in the last 8 years - her independence as a woman.

Since then Linda has grown into strong, independent, resilient person, becoming a great example for her two children of how to deal with ups and downs throughout life.

Linda is pretty happy where she is in her life now. She is a beauty therapist owning her business for the last 8 years, with this year growing even bigger than before.

Linda thinks that often when a woman becomes a wife, a partner, or a mom she loses her identity a bit without even realising it.

“We tend to try to be who we think we should be instead of being who we are, doing things that we enjoy. Its okay to be who you want to be.” – says Linda

Linda’s Contacts:

https://www.instagram.com/kaydahbeauty10/

https://www.facebook.com/kaydahbeauty

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) : 

Hi, you are listening to My Body My Story podcast,

I would say, to be kind to yourself. And never be a person that you don't want to be. Because you feel you need to be different for some for somebody for a partner or and sometimes I think as

This is the 45 or 45 chapter where we celebrate rule breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show that sensuality, beauty, soul and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and will listen to the stories of our participants. If you have an interesting story to share, we would love you to participate, you can email us on info@aleksandrawalker.com or visit our website, www. aleksandrawalker.com

Hi, Linda. It's nice to see you again. Today we're meeting via Zoom because we met just before the lockdown for your photoshoot. Yeah, you're the last one before this big lockdown. Not last in the project. And we didn't have chance to record our interviews. So now we are meeting a couple of months later, via zoom. I'll be interviewing you and asking all the questions. So let's start and tell us a bit about yourself.

Okay, so I'm Linda. I'm Linda Jane for that. I'm 45. I was 45. In May. I'm a mother of two. So my daughter is 20. My son is turning 17 tomorrow. And big milestone today in our family ... He's signing out of school today. So we completed year 11. And I'm signing out today. So that's a big day for us here in the in the family group. So I'm a single mum. I divorced, divorced for eight years. But I do get on very well with the kids dad. And we have a very dysfunctional, happy family. And yes, I'm the youngest of three children. My mum and dad is still happily married, well, sometimes happily, sometimes not. Together, and pretty happy with where I am in my life right now.

That's good. So what are you most passionate about?

Right now I'm most passionate about my business. So I'm a beauty therapist. I have been in this particular business for the last eight years, I was fortunate enough not to have to work while raising my children. Then when my marriage broke up, I obviously had to start working and build up my business again. So I just thought I created Kyah Beauty and Nails, which Kaydah comes from the two names of my children Kyah and Damon. And for eight years have been trying to build it up I worked mostly on my own and up until just recently always a home business. And I decided to sell my family home so I had to relocate my business to a commercial property now so this is kind of the pretty big achievement in my career. Being able to you know go out into the big world not being not just have the safety of a home business. And so we do all aspects of beauty but traditional beauty so where we do traditional facials and nails and waxing and all of that kind of thing. I've always maintained that level and lift you know all the machines and lasers and injectables and all that kind of thing to the other people that do that well and spend a lot of money getting into that.

That's nice. That's all what we love. All, we women,

yes, everyone's knocking on my door literally always say when can they come back?

Yeah, hopefully you'll be open soon and you will continue. You like it's the new milestone moving to commercial property. Like it's quite a brave step. I can say

yes, definitely.

Yeah. So we will, I will leave the link under the posts wherever we post your interview. So everyone who's interested can check you and visit you wonderful business.

Yes.

So everyone knows that with age we change. But what positive changes have you experienced so far?

Okay, so I'd say my most the most positive change in particular, in the last eight years since, you know, leaving my marriage and making that, you know, pretty big decision to do that. I guess my independence as a woman is my is my greatest achievement really, going through a divorce and, you know, having young children, it some come, it comes with a lot of guilt, breaking up the family, and especially being the one who chose to leave the marriage. And so, you know, watching my children deal with that, and adapt to the new having dad and mom and two separate homes. And I guess a lot of the last eight years, it's been quite volatile, not volatile, but, you know, a lot of anger around their home life. And very difficult, you know. And so, since then, I guess my greatest, you know, my biggest I feel my achievement is that I've grown personally into a very independent, strong, independent, resilient person. And doing that, knowing that my children are watching, and especially my daughter going through, coming into her early adulthood, and being aware that she could see the hurt and the, you know, the anger and all of that, and I guess, trying to teach her by example, when she comes to that time in her life, if she comes to that time in her life, how to deal with things like that. She's seen me, both my children have seen me in relationships that I've had since their dad. And it's been hard and, you know, I've gotten involved with different people maybe financially, and it's, it's been a difficult road. Yes. So I guess. Yeah. My strength and independence that I've developed over the last eight years is I'm in a pretty good place now.

It’s a great example for them, how they can be strong in hard times.

Yeah, resilient, know how to, how to deal with with different situations. And because you never know what's coming.

And it's interesting that your kids the same like my son is 21 this year, and he's just started his independent life. And see seems like he's surprised at how many things he has to deal with. Like before living in the with me, like I was also a single mum. And he wouldn't think about even though he saw how hard it is from time to time, but he didn't realise until he started living on his own how many things we deal with, like, rent, bills, like mental things, like this and all that stuff. And I think yeah, it helped them to go through those adulthood stuff, this adult stuff, because they seen us how we managed and they think definitely like if my mom could, then I definitely can as well.

That's right. Well, you have no choice as you become an adult you become independent and become your own person and you have no choice but to deal with the challenges that come up in life.

Yeah, hmm. Having good will helps a lot

Yeah, yeah, I you know, I really do see in my daughter now a lot of myself and which some things are not so great you know, he's stubborn personality and, but important things you know, resilience and, and strength, just just personal strength. Yeah. and it makes me really proud.

So what is the biggest challenge you're experiencing at this age?

Well, again, this sort of surrounds my, my children. My biggest challenge at the moment is that especially now my son finishing school, they're both independent with their, they have their licences and I'm struggling at the moment and deciding as a mum, how much of the reins I let go, you know, when is it okay, start making decisions for myself again, as my own person, you know, I don't have to baby these children anymore. They're always going to be a part of my life. But when is it okay to you know, if I want to move to the beach? Is that okay? thing? 15 minutes away from them. And if I want to go on a holiday, is that okay to decide where I want to go and say no, you can't come. I'm struggling with that challenge with that at the moment. And you know, I'll always be, I'll always be a mum, I'll always be their mom. But it is a very real struggle for me at the moment, especially being in the position where I'm about to sell my my home. And my daughter in lockdown, my daughter has actually moved out with the best friend's into a little a little place, adding an oak tower, which is adding in on a little farm where her dad has another property. And it just came out of the blue because they wanted to spend the lockdown together, but they couldn't come and visit each other. So they decided to move into this little apartment. And now they're talking about moving into a rental in Wollongong. And I'm like, Oh yeah, what what am I going to do? So yeah, that's, that's my biggest challenge at the moment.

It starts with identifying yourself with something else than just mother

And yes, that is as soon as you start thinking like that, the guilt that I feel is dreadful. It's such a heavy feeling of guilt. But I know I shouldn't I think that's just just being mum.

Yeah. Very, very similar. I heard very similar problem is you can say with women who have kids this age, and that suddenly to decide okay, what am I now like? I've been Mum, I had to take care all the time about them and now not that.. they don't even want it like what I'm going to do. Yeah.

So what is your greatest accomplishment?

That's easy again, my children not absolutely my greatest accomplishment. Yeah, they have him makes me emotional. One second. They just amazing. You know, gotta record that.

I will start crying now as well. Because you I understand, like, when I start talking about my son, I feel the same. When you see them grown up and you just think Wow, I did that. Like I was the mother who help them to grow up in such a beautiful humans. And it's just, yeah, it's great that you have that you feel proud about them. Not all parents are lucky enough to have kids who they're proud about and I think it is a greatest accomplishment

I knew that would happen and my daughter she said Don't cry, don't cry.

You know, not just the people that they are but the relationship they have with each other. You know, they have a great relationship. They're great mates. They're great friends. They care for each other like family. They Yeah, it's really really just so enjoyable to watch. You know, they're here and they're they're bantering between Whatever. Yeah, it's lovely.

What was it like this from the they've been children? Because sometimes the kids usually have rivalry, you know?

I must say, they've always been great friends. And I think that, you know, the breakdown of the family. My daughter took on that real motherly role to my son when he was because he struggled more than her. I think only my daughter struggled just as much, I think, but she held a lot inside. Whereas my son openly struggled with the whole situation. And she really took on that motherly role when I wasn't there. Yes. So he, they've never really had. They've never really thought of their occupants, but nothing, nothing like you he have some siblings.

Yeah, that's, that's great. Yeah. It feels a great achievement.

Yes. I think so.

So what advice would you give your 30 year old self?

That it's okay to be who you want to be. That when you.. you know, when you become a wife, or you become a partner, or you become a mom, which, you know, is likely to happen, at that age around a 30 year old age group younger, or maybe some older, I think we we lose our identity a little bit, without even realising we, we tend to try and conform to, you know, to, to be who we think we should be, sometimes in a relationship, we need to stay home or just because we're married, or just because we're a mom, now, we can't do things that we love to do. For example, you know, I've grown up with a dancing background, young when I was younger, so I've always enjoyed every now and then getting the girls together and going to the nightclub, and, you know, getting up on the podium and dancing and being myself being taking myself back to those teenage years. But I felt, and I don't, I don't think I don't remember by any influence, you know, don't think it was influenced by my husband at the time. I, I just felt like I shouldn't do that. But now I sit back and I see myself as though he knows he is. And I feel like I maybe missed out. I think I wasn't myself, I didn't allow myself to enjoy that part of me. Before, aside from being a mom and being a wife, and especially when the kids were younger, but I think definitely not to feel like you, you have to be somebody other than who you are. You're not doing anything wrong by I mean, I'm not talking about cheating on your husband or anything like that, that's you know, that just being yourself, just doing things that you enjoy, whether it be on your own or with your partner or get you know, have have your grandparents or have your best friends look after your children if they're young and, and go away and not be a mum for a weekend, or a week or because as long as they're, you know, if you were to leave your children with somebody, you know that whoever you leave them with it, they're safe, and they're, they'll be okay. And I really feel like I I didn't do that enough. But I feel like I'm doing that now. And I'm grateful now that I have a relationship with my children now that I can do that with. But yeah, I think never lose. Never lose sight of who you really are inside.

 

Yeah, not just concentrate on the being wife or mother just about your personality. We all hopefully this generation and your generation is more educated about that. And they try to leave a balance, like from what I see from younger families, they try more balance women life like being mother being wife and being yourself to having her own time or her own interest.

So yeah, I think I think we lead by example in when we when we are like that. I think as our children get older and I'm more aware of what mom and dad are doing or what mom's doing You know, we lead by example, and it's okay to not if I mean, I'm in a relationship now, which I'm very happy in, but it's okay that I might want to have a night with the girls or, or, you know, I still do the things that I like to do and not that I don't want to be with my partner. It's it's okay to be me still.

Yeah, exactly. So what advice would you give younger women generally, who will eventually undergo this changes before they undergo this age?

Just I'd say, to be kind to yourself, and never be a person that you don't want to be. Because you feel you need to be different for some for somebody for a partner, or, and sometimes I think as young people, men, women, we feel like we have to. We have to be in a relationship, perhaps with someone that we don't want to be, or someone that we really are, you know? Yeah, just just never lose sight of, of who you are. And yeah. Yeah, never be ashamed to ask for help, or ask for advice or don't. I think society now with depression and things like that, I think it's not such a to have therapy for different things in life. It's not such a taboo. Now, we all talk about it. And we all encourage people to do it for all different kinds of things in life. Yeah. So I think yeah, I think just just never lose sight of who you are, again. Yeah.

Yeah. And I feel like it's a good continuation to this question. The next one about the perfect body image, where do you think this idea comes from?

I think I think it's a very personal experience where our body image comes from, it could be, you know, it could come from, perhaps we were bullied at school when we were younger. About our weight or our appearance, it could could come from seeing a mom and dad fighting, and, you know, maybe one or the other having a personal attack, get them in an argument or, or something like that. And all our friends growing up and growing up and you know, the other girl always been the one to be asked out on date. So I think there's lots of things that can create a negative body image or just a negative image of ourselves. I do think currently, you know, in our current society, social media has a lot to do that with all of these influences that are now on on Instagram and not so much I feel like the advertising industry has has changed a lot from when I was growing up. And you know, all all body types are represented, represented now. Yeah. So I think that helps with with body image but yeah, I really think that um, yeah, it can come from very different it can be developed from from lots of different places. Yeah,

you think it's in our own heads this image?

I think so. Yeah.

Piece by piece it comes to the puzzle which is in our head.

Yeah. And you know, and then that's when I guess it's important going back to when you asked what advice I would give you know, what advice you give to someone it's so hard though because you think so differently now as a 45 year old a little bit too when you were that age and was so easily influenced by so many things in life especially when it comes to body image work. You know, from such a young ages girls with you know, we start growing boobs and we start growing here and it's really difficult I think back and even watching my daughter, it's a really, really difficult Time. And I think yes, it's very personal. It's a very personal experience. I think the reasons that we have different reasons why we create Well, we, we, we can create a negative body image, self body image.

What I noticed when I photograph you, I was pleasantly surprised how free you're like, it looks. I don't know, I just wanted to ask, is it the same what you feel? Because it looks like you're so comfortable in your body? You know, you were such like a fire, you know, even no problems at all. How do I look here? How do I look there? So I thought, Oh, my God, this lady is really comfortable in your own body. So what I want to how was it always like that? Or like, what are you comfortable in your own body? What makes you feel comfortable?

I think now, I think, you know, growing up, and dancing, you know, I was a dancer up until I was, I think 18 Or, and from a very young age, and then I started cheerleading. And then I was doing promotional work in nightclubs, and different things like that. So, but funnily enough, you know, I looked back at photos, and I had the perfect figure back then. But I still thought no, I should…. And then when I married my husband, or my, my ex-husband, he was in the fitness industry. So I actually all of my married life. And before my married life, I was always in the gym industry. I wasn't I didn't work in the gym industry, but I was surrounded by people who had, you know, who worked on their bodies. And so, I guess, being in that industry, you feel like you have to look the part. Although I wasn't working in it. I was, you know, I was the gym owners wife. So I felt I always had to, I always had to look after myself. And I can't say that... When I had children, that was a real struggle, because obviously our bodies change. And then I think from then on, I really struggled for a long time and felt like I again, I had to get back and I had to look the part but I think as probably seen since you know, divorcing the kid's father, and leaving that and becoming so much more independent and and creating this new life for myself and the kids. I think I think I don't know when it was I just felt I don't have to I don't have to be I don't have to look a certain way. As long as I feel healthy to me. As long as I feel good inside then. That's okay. I'm not I'm not so much worried anymore when I look in the mirror and see I feel like I'm 25 But then I look in the mirror and I think now those wrinkles are not 25 year old wrinkles but yeah, now I'm okay I must say I do I it was always a struggle for me. Although I really I don't think at any point in my life. You will fluctuate as you get older but yeah, I'm quite confident now in myself in my body and yeah, and I think that I think that's attractive my partner now says that's attractive to to other people whether it be male or female they when you when you show confidence and you know with that that attracts them whether or not you've got the perfect figure eight body or whatever. Yeah, so yeah, I really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it and You made it very easy. I feel very comfortable with you. And you know, once we warmed up and we got into a bit of a groove I could have done it but well I couldn't have done it all there anymore. Because I walked away limping..

 

Yeah, so what does it mean for you to feel good and look good? What comes first?

Yeah, definitely feel good. I think when you feel good, you you look good. People people feed people feed that feed feed off that when you when you feel good, then you are more confident within yourself and Yeah, I think that's um, that's more important that comes first.

And what what makes you feel most beautiful?

I think what makes me feel most beautiful is people. People when they mentioned and they and they, they talk about how kind I am and generous and generous with just my with my personality. I'm not talking about tangible things money or gifts or I'm a I, I'm so I have, I get so much more joy out of giving. Then then receiving you know, it's not to me. I don't need to be told I look beautiful to feel beautiful. I feel beautiful when people tell me or when I know I've made someone feel nice, or I've helped someone or that to me is makes me feel beautiful.

What is your favourite quote about being a woman?

Oh, I am woman hear me roar? Did they al say that?

Couple of people Yes. mentioned that. And I didn't know to be honest, before the first lady mentioned that. And then the second lady mentioned that and I decided to go and check. I didn't know about this song. And this lady. Yeah, it was interesting to learn. I'm sure that everyone who listens they know.

Yes, I think so. Yeah.

Well, thank you, Linda, thank you very much for joining our project for your really bubbly personality and beautiful, beautiful soul. And thank you for answering the questions. And all the best with your new chapter is your business and your life. And thank you. Thank you for joining us.

Thank you. It's lovely to meet you and experience experiences with you.

If you have an interesting story to share would love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com or visit our website, www. aleksandrawalker.com

This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.

 

For more information about the project visit:

https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45

 

Social Media

IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA?sub_confirmation=1