#22 My Body My Story 45 Over 45 - Kylie

In this episode, Kylie talks about how being in service, has been a thread in her life - from being an older sister to a mother to a personal development professional. She says that she has been incredibly resilient through the ups and downs of her life in that role.

She also talks about recently going through a period of change that made her deep dive into a lot of self-reflection and re-inventing in herself. It’s been scary, challenging, and at the same time incredibly exciting for Kylie. She says that the biggest challenge was not forcing it and allowing time to reform and rebirth.

Living for 33 years at her happy place – sunny Gold Coast - Kylie gets her energy from nature and is passionate about human connection, health and well-being, arts and crafts, and socialising.

Her positive changes which she experienced with age are a better sense of self, self-awareness (how and why I engage with others the way I do), self-acceptance, and self-respect.

Her advice to younger women is - Trust your path, your journey in life. Life has its hurdles, they will come and go, and there is a lesson in every one of them. And they are for our growth and well-being.

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) : 

Hi, you are listening to My Body My Story podcast,

I really love and I'm passionate about human connection. So the impact that has on contributing to our own wellbeing for the wellbeing of ourselves, the wellbeing of others.

This is the 45 or 45 chapter where we celebrate rule breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show that sensuality, beauty, soul and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and will listen to the stories of our participants. If you have an interesting story to share, we would love you to participate, you can email us on info@aleksandrawalker.com or visit our website, www. aleksandrawalker.com

Hi, Kylie, thank you very much for joining our project and welcome to our studio. It's about yourself.

Well, I'm 49. I'm a single mother of three adult children's. And I live on the beautiful sunny Gold Coast. And I've been living here now for 33 years. I love the Gold Coast. It's such a beautiful place to bring up your family. It's not too busy. It's not too sleepy either. So it's a lovely family vibe, I feel. And I'm also a sun lover. So I love the beach. But it's also very close to the highland. So I can also go and get a dose of bush and Bush walking. Or within 15 minutes, I can go either way, and I get to experience both and the weather here obviously is very livable all year round. So it's my happy place here on the Gold Coast. As I'm flipping here, um, what else can I tell you about myself? I currently work from home. I provide project management services that support leadership development consultants who deliver corporate programmes around the globe. So I have always had a love and interest in personal development. And so I've been lucky to be able to work in the industry. So that's yeah, I was born in Sydney. My parents were actually very young, when I was born. And by divorce when I was only about six or seven. I have a younger brother to this marriage who I was actually really close to growing up. Having separated parents back in the 70s it was the norm to actually only see dad on the occasional weekend or or holiday. And my mum worked full time actually, throughout my whole childhood. I think the first time she was actually at home when I got home from school. I think I was in high school Tim. So growing up, I sort of felt responsible to being my brother's caretaker. So actually grew up very fast with adult responsibilities and being a carer sort of been a thread through my life, being in service. Both my mum and dad actually remarried when I was very young, and I married partners that had children and they also had children in their new marriages. So I actually have three sisters and three brothers. So lots of family. Lots of fun times over the years. Even though women they're a mix,

you got on well together.

We did. Yeah, even though we didn't actually grow up together in the same homes. We really do have a love and care for each other. And even to this day where, you know, we we've always shared in each other's ups and downs and celebrated the boots and the highs and lows. So we're not all that close. But there's this sort of bond that sort of shakable. So I've it's been a blessing actually to have a big family because stem was really important to me. I love those relationships. I spend a lot of I actually grew up with mom, so my brother and I sort of liquid mum, but Mum, and her husband moved around the country a lot when I was growing up. So I think I'd been to been to many different schools and lived in three different states in Australia. So I never sort of had sort of long lasting bonds with friends, being young, moving from town to town, but I actually came here to the Gold Coast when I was 17. living on my own, although it wasn't my choice to live on my own, but I came here for university. And so that was sort of the start of my real adult was 17. So I sort of started that journey Young as well. I went to university and did a degree in business. Interestingly, I'll sort of reflect on that and think, why. I don't love business. I'm good at it, I have an understanding and very sort of organised and structured. So that sort of aligns that I think my choice is really following in dad's footsteps to be an accountant. But it's not exactly my passion. But I'm going to university to do that did actually serve me well. So it's where I met some beautiful, long term lifetime friends, and where I met my husband at the time, and, and so, yeah, good times, good times. I, having met my husband, I actually got on really, really beautifully with his mom. So she sort of became my mum away from home. And it was actually a delight in my life. And she introduced my husband and I to personal development workshops and things when I think I was only about 18 or 19. So I was very, very blessed to have that experience. So yummy math, because when I went there and experienced those weekends, I just felt like I was at home and met my peeps. And it's actually been a blessing for me throughout my journey. Because it's something that I've always been able to use the tools from, in terms of my growth and development. I've been very blessed with that time in my wife, even though I was young and naive, and it was scary really to be on my own because family and friends meant a lot to me. So it was reassuring to sort of found a new family and new community that time.

After I got married, I didn't actually work before I got married was only a couple of years finishing uni and what I was actually doing was working in that space with the community of the personal development. So I did a lot of consulting and event management in running this in running seminars and things and met some wonderful people who in the long term have actually continued relationships with in my work, but after having children is 25 when I had my son, my firstborn, and I actually stayed home mum for 13-14 years. So I did very little work. I think paid work. I did little contracts and things like that, but essentially, my role was taken care of my Bambinos which I have to say absolutely loved was the joy of my life. And then I had a girlfriend who I had worked with in the very early years, who contacted me to help me organise her weight of all things. And it was actually that time that I was going through separation and divorce with my husband. So it was perfect timing, because she was also starting up a new business. And it's Well, when I started working again, so with her, and it's been 10 years now. And that's I'm still doing and working with, as I said earlier, leadership development coaches, and supporting the, the corporate programmes. So that's about it. That's where I am now, or my kids have just left home, I have one still at home. And so I'm at the beginning of really the next stage of my life.

How was it for you? When kids left? Did you feel any difference? Did you have this crisis of self-identity? Who am I now?

Absolutely. And I'm literally just thinking my top of what that looks and feels like. So yeah, it has actually been a very deep dive and lots of self reflection at the moment. I I've also was, after my marriage, I actually was with another partner long term partner for nine years. And that broke, I broke up with him, that relationship ended in that form last year, as well. So from more or less, having a family of five to just two of us now, in an in a short period of time has definitely been a a period of change, deep change and deep reflection. So I've recognised that how I have been doing my life has, has really served me well. And I was in a bit of a crisis only a couple of weeks ago, to be honest about what have I been doing with my life? What's going on? What Oh, my goodness, on nearly 50 What have I been doing, but I've really taken a good look at the fact that I've, I've, I have served my children really, really well and, and others in that role of caring and nurturing and providing service, and that I've actually been incredibly resilient through all those ups and downs in my life, in that role, by providing that role. And now it's just a time of new chapters. So it's like, pulling together all those resources and strengths that I have, and recognising or allowing time for that to sort of come to to a new form and, and how now I will actually contribute. Going forward, and I feel like it's like a time of my life now where I mean, like a chrysalis. And so it's a time of reforming and rebirthing that doesn't sound too corny, but that's essentially where I'm at. And it has been scary challenging, but it's also incredibly exciting.

Absolutely

it really, it's funny, it's so that new form hasn't quite crystallised yet but yeah, it's there's new things on the horizon. So

beginning starting, yes, it is. yourself your true self. Yeah, maybe with any, no with no roles, no obligations, just you, you just maybe it's a time to meet yourself your true self.

 

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And, and the challenge with that has been not forcing it, not sort of hurrying up and making that decision or getting on with it. It's it's actually allowing myself to sit in a little bit of that uncomfortableness and give myself some space for the new form to emerge. And that's actually really exciting. Yeah.

So interesting… What you're most passionate about?

That's actually hard to say. Because to actually say what I'm most passionate about, it's because of where I'm at right now, like, this is actually what I'm in a deep dive to reflect on. I'm actually passionate about a lot of things. So it's like, which direction am I gonna go? Primarily, I'm, I really love and I'm passionate about human connection. So the impact that that has on contributing to our own wellbeing, so the well being of ourselves, the, the well being of others, humanity and, and even our planet. So I think human connection has a great deal to contribute in all those areas. So I'm, part of my deep dive is how do I contribute in this domain of human connection in a more meaningful, and joyful way? For me. I'm also really passionate about health and wellbeing, in all forms, physical, mental, spiritual. I also love arts and crafts, exercising, maintaining healthy lifestyle, socialising, all the good, all the good stuff,

So let's move to more philosophical questions, as I can say, like, everyone knows that with age we change, but what positive changes have you experienced with age?

Sense of self, you know, this is really sort of a bit of a theme running here. But yes, self-awareness, becoming more and more aware of my behaviours, and how, and more importantly, why I engage with others the way I do. self-acceptance, it's a big one, learning to accept myself for who I am, rather than looking for acceptance and approval from others. And with that comes self-respect. So learning to set boundaries to honour what's important, and also what's unacceptable to me in honour of meeting my own needs, wants and desires. Having had a lifetime focus of being a caregiver, in service of others, age has gifted me with experiences that have allowed me to grow my own emotional intelligence to develop a greater loving of self.

So what is the biggest challenge you think you're experiencing at this age now?

I think the biggest challenge for me at this age right now is is this turning point of being? That that that mother, and and now it's time for me, and which direction do I turn? I've got more of an idea of the direction but it's, it's it's actually even narrowing that down to and how do I express myself in that and, and it's the challenge with that has been not beating myself up at the age at this age, and not knowing what that is for me. So it's actually allowing

it will come in the right time.

It will. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, everyone has their own path and journey and timing. And, and the other part to that, too, is also recognising that the path that I've done so far has, has been incredibly serving and and contributing so. Yeah, it's it's they're just showing up in, in in it If report I think it's

we forget sometimes to thank yourself for what we did. About achievements we had in our life and sometimes we think, Oh, that's nothing or it's not that important… that if we all know this exercise right? All your achievements, why? Why are we doing it just to remind ourselves like we did meaningful things, and they matter. And I think this self-identification crisis which we have women, when our kids grow up and leave home, it's absolutely normal. You know, for every woman, that being one role, having one role for most of our lives, and then suddenly having all those freedoms and thinking, What can I do with that?

 

Exactly, right. That's exactly right.

So, oh, talking about accomplishments, which sometimes we forget. Can you describe your greatest accomplishments?

Well, that would be my three children. They have been the greatest joy of my life, actually, I've just loved being their mum. And I actually feel incredibly grateful for having had the opportunity to be at home with them for the majority of their childhood. It's some it's it's been obviously challenging, and lots of ups and downs, but incredibly rewarding. And I have absolutely loved every minute of it. I have two boys and a girl, my oldest son Michael just turned 25. And he is, is more or less been a lifetime student. I think he's been at uni now, I think, seven plus years. He's changed his mind a couple of times. But he's now found his groove. And interestingly, he loves sports and loves working with children. So he's joining. He's got a degree in sports development. And he's now doing a master's in teaching, and has worked with kids for the last seven years while he's been doing all that studies. So he loves what he does. And I tell you, as a mom, that's what you want for your children's them to be happy and enjoy what they're doing. So that's him. Daniel, my second son, he has just turned 22. And he grew up loving music. He's been he's taught himself while he was trained in to learn how to play the piano. And he's taught himself along the way to play just about every other instrument there is. And he's actually followed a career path in sound engineering, and he's also loving that, or my daughter, Amani is 18. And she has struggled a little through school in regard to the institution of school not being an environment that has served her well. In terms of her well-being at the time that she's come out, she's been out of school now about 18 months, and you know, her wings have just started to fly. So she's done a course in animal studies isn't about to follow on and do vet nursing. And in the meantime, she's a budding artist. And so she's taken over my garage, there's paint from the kingdom come, and she's working in and out my shop, so it's just wonderful to see them all living and loving what they do, and so they're actually a reflection for me to see just by following things that light you up inside that you can even contribute in a beautiful way.

So, what advice would you give your 30 year old self if you could, if you could go back in time and see yourself..

30 year old self okay. I had my hands full, I think I think really about looking within for love and acceptance like I think we get so caught up sometimes in well not everybody let's put it that way is there's many of us women though, however that do go through our lives in service of others and we do forget and we can get a little caught up in having an expectation on that being in return and actually being incredibly selfless which really doesn't serve those that we're serving so I think definitely look within for that and being resourceful for self-love and acceptance

And what advice would you give younger women who will eventually undergo this changes?

Trust your path, your journey in life does have its hurdles, it's full of ups and downs and they will come and they will go and there's a lesson in every one of them. So and they are for our growth and wellbeing. So follow your heart keep doing things you love and things that bring you joy and be kind to yourself Change is inevitable and there's always something to learn and grow and you can decide how you choose to respond in those times

I have a Goosebumps…

I also would like to ask you about the body gym where do you think your perfect body comes from?

um unfortunately I think at face value it comes from media we conditioned to listening to being influenced by external factors which is unfortunately driven by profits profits not for our well being however there is more movement and awareness for sure these days about re educating but I think we still got a long way to go about truly watch body image or good body image is um where that really comes from and and I even think the word perfect probably shouldn't go next to body image because I think that that that sort of buyouts we should be really looking at which is about a sense of of what's the word greatness or good feeling I don't think there's any perfection in body image it's actually about feeling the body rather than it being an image

Yeah I agree with you even with now with we have body positive movements and you know it's still go through media so we have until media tells us Okay, girls, that's fine to have normal body not perfect one. So I think I agree with you that it's it should come from within, you have understand with your intuition like, what's your body Is it good or not good to feel it, and not rely on the media like one day they say like, this is the perfect version of the day or less like bullets. Do this perfect or, or you're okay, you're normal. So don't wait for media to tell you that your body is okay. Yeah.

Very true. Very true. Yes. We've had in the past seven we've been the perfect body images was literally skin and barn and now big booties Yes,

Lingerie companies now they placing images of women plus size, or they don't retouch the stretch marks or lamps and bumps by the standard, trying to, again trying to pursue to tell you, that's okay. You know, like you don't know that that's okay. They showing you see you have a stretch mark, that's okay.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

What does it mean to feeling good and looking good? And what do you think comes first?

Look feeling good, definitely. I think really tuning in to our bodies and, you know, our bodies are a reflection of what's actually going on in our lives. And I mean that in all facets, like mentally, physically, obviously. And even spiritually, so if weeds managing those aspects of ourselves and responding in ways that is for our well being, and, and keeping healthy lifestyle in all of those realms. I, I know for myself, personally, I it's really important to me and I do pay a lot of attention to those realms in my own life. And when I'm feeling good when I'm feeling imbalanced in all of those areas. I actually look good. i It radiates out. So for me, the looking good is definitely starting the you know, work and feeling good and, and consciously making choices. It's not it's not easy in today's world to just go about it really is something that I choose to do.

And what makes you feel the most beautiful?

I'm feeling good. For sure. That connection to spirit for sure. And a gratitude and a gratitude for nature. I have to say too, I love being outdoors. I love the sun. I get so much energy out of the sun. And I I do I feel fabulous in my own skin. And I'm in the sun and obviously sharing time with family and friends. But a smile on my face. Smiling feels good, mon Yeah. What's your favourite quotes about being a woman? Oh, I had to go and have a little think about this one. But um, this one's not specifically for women, but it resonated for me for now. And it is if one has courage, nothing can dim the light that shines within by Maya Angelou. Beautiful

Excellent. Thank you, Kylie for such a wonderful conversation and your story and sharing it with us and your courage by having me dissipating you know projects.

If you have an interesting story to share would love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com or visit our website, www. aleksandrawalker.com

This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.

 

For more information about the project visit:

https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45

 

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